Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


'many young people feel tired from studing'; To work or to travel after finishing high school? IELTS


Ainura23 1 / -  
Feb 3, 2015   #1
Topic: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss.

What do you think of this essay? Thank you in advance.

After finishing high school many young people feel tired from studing. So they deside to work or to travel for a year before going to university. There are a lot advantages and disadvantages.

Many people think that working before university is better than travelling. Firstly, while you work you can find yourself in the field of job which you do best of all. Secondly, of course it is an experience of your life for the future. My personal view the best advantages are that you can save up money and pay for your study yourself without any help from parents, because studying at university is very expensive, so not all parents can afford their children go to university. Disadvantage of working is that you might do not like the job you doing, and when you do such work, it does not bring you any benefit.

Most young people instead of working choose travelling. I think travelling is the best way of getting knowledge. Visiting new places, meeting new different people, acquaintance with other cultures help you to understand your destiny and what you want exactly. Travelling develops feeling of independence, teach to rely on yourself, teach to make decisions quiqly. It makes you more interesting as a personality. You always will have a theme for conversation. All knowledge that received from travelling can help in dayly life. The only problem why young people do not travelling is the problem with money. It will take a lot of money, but i guess it is worth it.

To work or to travel before university is a good idea and i suppose it should be more common around the world. People should do so how they think themselves and do not follow stereotypes of going to university at once after leaving school.
Cuynomellen 4 / 3 3  
Feb 6, 2015   #2
After finishing high school many young people feel tired from studing. So they deside to work or to travel for a year before going to university. There are a lot advantages and disadvantages.

For your introduction;
People have their own right to decided their future. Several people tend to be further their education, whereas others are more likely to go traveling. Although, this condition will be better for their future life, I firmly believe that this issue have merits and demerits.

My suggestion:
you will put hook in the first sentences to be more impressive for reader
The second sentences will be better if you paraphrase from the question which use contradictory phenomenon in societies or trend issue related with questions.
The third sentences is your personal opinion as your position in your writing.

Please keep writing as many as you can. I believe that your writing will improve significantly when you always write in several different topics.

Keep fighting Ainura!!!
Rich Monte 2 / 94 2  
Feb 11, 2015   #3
Your essay is quite solid, but i have encountered a few apparent mistakes of yours.

1. The prompt is not asking you to write your opinion, and thus, you failed the task.

There is one way that can help you to not deviate from the prompt next time. Just simply surrogate ;;you'' to ;;I'' in the body paragraphs.

2. Examples are missing. You can improvise them in your essay, no one is going to verify whether it is true or false.

In addition, here are some typos and grammar issues: It makes you more interesting as a person .

The only problem why young people do not traveling is the problem with money. It will take a lot of money, but i guess it is worth it.

The main issue of why young generations do not travel often is that they suffer from some finance issues such as tuition, daily expenses and others.


Home / Writing Feedback / 'many young people feel tired from studing'; To work or to travel after finishing high school? IELTS
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳