Ester, I can say that your introduction and the first body paragraph are better than your second body paragraph and conclusion. This is because you tried to make your essay well-organized on those parts only, but left the other two become your weakness points. My suggestion for you is that, try to be more consistent in organizing your essay in a proper way. By fulfilling those tasks, you are able to answer your task achievement clearly, which definitely will not escape the attention of the examiner. Now, for a breakdown of your grammatical errors, with corrections applied.
different tourist destination
different tourist destinations
different tourist destination
(avoid repetitive words) different tourism places
before, although
(if the position of 'although or even though is in the middle of the sentence, it should be without comma)
It's
(do not use contractions)
Japanese
In Japan, people... or Japanese people..
elderly
elder
can see only in Japan
can only see in Japan
Although a new habit can make some people more stressed, because it need
(if you put 'although' there, it is unnecessary to put 'because')
Although a new habit can make some people become stress, they need an effort...
an effort to adapt and sometimes many situation cannot be predicted.
...an effort to adapt to some situations which cannot be predicted before.
As you can see, I left the last two paragraphs to be revised in a proper order as I mentioned before. I hope this feedback is fruitful to you.
Good luck for your next essay.