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Topic:My father.It's a preparation of speaking section for toefl.


honghee 3 / 7  
Aug 9, 2010   #1
My father is who I admired most and also my role model.He is a no-nonsense man.He rarely talks with others jokingly,even who is his daughter.He is an excellent leader in his company and a strict father for me. He always requires me to do every thing wholeheartedly and never allows me giving up until to the last.Stern as he is,father is full of affection to me.Not only does he encourage me to insist my dream but also let me learn to enjoy the process of striving for it.I benefit from the communication with my father very much.With his worthy advices I could increase myself gradually.
freezard7734 17 / 209  
Aug 9, 2010   #2
I have a few suggestions:

He is a no-nonsensestern man

He rarely jokes with others jokingly , even with me,who is his daughter.

He is an excellent leader in his company and a strict father for me.

I think this statement would be stronger if you gave a specific experience or example that shows his excellent leadership. :)

He always requires me to do every thing wholeheartedly and never allows me givingto give (do you see why?) up until to the last.

Stern as he is, (Remember to put a space after your commas) father is full of affection to me

The above italicized phrase seems a little awkward to me. I'm not sure - you may be right - but I'd recommend "father shows affection towards me" or "father is affectionate toward me"

Not only does he encourage me to insistpursue my dream but he (You need a subject here because you put "Not only" before the subject) also lets me learn to enjoy the process of striving for it.

I benefit from the communication with my father very much.

What communication are you talking about? Be sure to expand and give examples. This will make your essay much stronger.

With his worthy advices I could increase myself gradually.

What do you mean by "increase myself?" Could you explain this? Then maybe I can find the right phrase. :]
jelidtj 5 / 21  
Aug 9, 2010   #3
This is a good idea for an essay. However there are a few glitches - i will rearrange it

I think the first sentence would be nicer if you say "The individual I admire most is my father - my role model"

He rarely talks with others jokingly,even who is his daughter not even me - his own daughter, (join this sentence with the other) but he is an excellent leader in the community.

He is very strict, always encouraging me to do everything wholeheartedly and to never give up
Not only does he encourage me to insist pursue my dream but also let me learn he teaches me to enjoy the process of striving for towards it.

Stern as he is,father is full of affection to me my father is very affectionate towards me [here i would add another sentence which shows how he is affectionate]

I benefit from the communication with my father very much.With his worthy advices I could increase myself gradually. I benefit greatly from my father's advice and examples. They serve as great motivation for me to build strong character.

Remember to put a space after each period !

Hope this helps
OP honghee 3 / 7  
Aug 10, 2010   #4
The individual I admire most is my father - my role model.He is an excellent leader of his company. Facing with a serious of complicated problems, he tries his best to solve them with a positive attitude.He treat his employees fair and keep a common touch.For instant,he always has his lunch with employees and continues communication with them everyday however is he busy.Thus,he is one of the most popular boss in his company.

As to me,he is a strict father.He always requires me to do everything wholeheartedly and never allows me to give up until to the last.Not only does he encourage me to pursue my dream but also he teaches me to enjoy the process of striving toward it.I benefit greatly from my father's advice and examples. They serve as great motivation for me to build strong character.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 10, 2010   #5
Okay, you got some very good corrections here. You can look at them all and practice typing the essay correctly. Do you have questions about the corrections? It will be great if you try to use these ideas and type the essay again so that you get practice doing it the right way.

:-)


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