TOPIC: What are the benefits and the risks associated with the use of private transport?
The better the life is, the more the number of people uses private transport like cars, motorbikes, even planes, etc. From my perspective, I believe that using a private means of transport has both advantages and disadvantages.
I will start by looking at the advantages. One of the main positives of using the personal transport is that people feel convenience and comfort. Indeed, with private vehicles you become an initiative than to move to anywhere and whenever you want without depending on different elements such as destination, schedule like using public transportation bus or subway station; moreover, you will have a private space without having to share with strangers. Secondly, you are safe. Obviously, you can avoid being harassed or pocketed like you use the public transport.
Turning to the other side of the argument, using a private vehicle can increase traffic congestion. Indeed, if each person uses private vehicles to move, the number of vehicles circulates on the road will be a giant figure, especially in the big cities. This phenomenon causes many unfortunate accidents. Another major disadvantage of this situation is that air pollution occurs seriously. The more the amount of private vehicle increase, the bigger emissions in the air is. This has effects directly on the health and quality of human life.
To sum up, besides some benefits of using private vehicles, it also causes many drawbacks seriously. In my opinion, I believe the risks are brought with them are much bigger, and that threatens people's life. Therefore, the number of private vehicles should be controlled to avoid making worse situation.
I can help you make improvements to your essay. I would first like to state that you have good information in your essay. However, there is some repetition that needs to be corrected. The word "seriously" is used at the end of sentences. It has no meaning in your sentences. Delete this word and read the sentences again. You will recognize that your sentences have improved.
I think you can begin your essay with the sentence that begins with, "From my perspective": Then state: " One of the main positives of using personal transportation is its convenience and people can feel comfortable using it." Notice the revision is more specific and can help you to discuss other details in this paragraph. You can revise this sentence too: "For example,the better one's life is, the more private transport such as cars, motorbikes, or even planes will be used." The sentence that starts with, "Indeed" can be your next sentence. The other sentences are arranged well. The sentence that discusses how you will start looking at the advantages can be deleted.
The other paragraphs are better organized.
This is some help, but grammar needs to be addressed.
I can give you some more help with grammar issues.
In the first paragraph, parts of this sentence needs to be revised and deleted: "...you become an take the initiative to move to anywhere and whenever go whenever and anywhere you want...destination or public transportation schedules. You can make it more simple for your reader by using only public transportation because a bus and subway is public transportation. Delete obviously and start the sentence making these slight revisions: "You can avoid being harassed or pick pocketed when you use public transportation."
The next paragraph, delete these sentence and use a transition word: Turning to the other side of the argument "On the other hand, using a..."
Change the word circulates to travelling. Toward the end of the paragraph, you want to make vehicle plural by adding -s to the end.
This is just a suggestion for the last paragraph. You could use another transition such as: "In summary". There should be a slight change in word choice and some words need to be rearranged. Here is how you can correct these errors: "...the risks are brought associated with them.."
The last sentence end with: "...making the situation worse".
- One of the main positivespositive effects of using..
- Indeed, with private vehicles you becomehave an initiative than to move to anywhere..
- The more the amount of private vehicle increase, the bigger emissions is in the air is .
- This has effects directly on the health and quality of human life.
- To sum up, besides some benefits of using private vehicles, it also causes many serious drawbacks seriously .
- In my opinion, I believe the risks arethat this case has brought with them area much bigger issue , and that threatens people's life.
- Therefore, the number of private vehicles should be controlled to avoid making worsethe situation worst.
I hope this corrections help.
