Can you suggest me some advice in order that i can made me English express improved ?Not matter how , i will try my best.
Well... your writing is not bad and I feel you can go for a good score if you organize your writing more. Write simple, short, yet interesting sentences. The most important thing is that you pay attention to your essay structure. My recommendation is that you should stick to 4 para essay which includes introduction, 2 body paras and conclusion.
Introduction; Introduce your topic + State your opinion
In this essay, the argument is based on whether place of living has a major bearing on person's overall happiness or it is the job. So first, introduce this topic to the reader;
Some people believe that the place they live contributes more for their happiness than the job they do for their living. However, others believe that the job is more important for their Happiness. In my opinion, I believe that ??????????????? ( tell what you think the most important)
Then go to your body paras - Write your first reason as to why you hold that opinion. If you said the place of living is more important, then you have tell a reason for that. For example;
I find a great meaning in the saying "Home sweet Home". Home is the place that a person enjoys his entire privacy and freedom. (... here the reason I gave is one's privacy and freedom)
Then you support it with a specific example;
Suppose you are emotionally upset and you need to cry to let it go and come back to normalcy. Then it is the home that provides you that privacy because you cannot be always yourself in any other environment.Then do the same with your 2nd body para. Finally write the conclusion which sums up everything you said above. Read the following essays to get a knack for this structure.