evatu
so evaluating these ages is a crucial point for teenagers.
I think this is a bad idea , because this situation has bad effects on education life, social life and healthy life of teenagers.
Which idea are you talking about?
First of all, education life is the most important thingaspect of teenagers
Do not use thing in academic writing!
They have to focus on their lessons to get good future life
they are students
As long as they have jobs while they are student, they can not follow the courses regularly,so they don't pass their examinations,therefore they can not get high GPA.
This is very important, because GPA has a high percentage of student's points which is necessary to go to a good university,so it effects the student's university choice.
Really long sentences! A lot of commas!
You should divide it into 2 sentences at least.
Maybe teenagers rescue the present days as they work, on the other hand they can not rescue their future life if they go to a bad university.
In the future times, they will be regret. For example, If you ask to the septeuagenarians who worked in the past times when they were student, they would say that they are very regretful because of not living their most enjoyful times.
It is a complicated sentence structure.Avoid it!
Teenagers who both study and work at the same time, they have no time to have a rest, so they inclinedbecome to be ill.
Do not separate subject and verb by a comma or another subject!
When they are ill, resilince time of them is slowing and they can not continue to their life
I do not understand the meaning of this sentence at all.
The moremost important thing is to have more serious diseases such as hearth diseases, bloodstreaming at slow speed and so on.
Did you really suggest to have such diseases???
Because of the risky life of working, they maywill have these kinds of diseases in their future time or
andmaywill die at young ages.
Do not use because in the beginning of a sentence.
To sum up, I don't agree with the asserta tion that teenagers should have jobs while they are students, because this has bad effects on their education,social and healty life which I mention in the above.
I could be wrong in my grammar correction.