Here are my suggestions:
"Teenagers between the ages thirteen to nineteen should not be dating. In their decisions of dating should have considered importantly before dating. This doesn't make sense; I'm not sure what you mean. Perhaps "Dating decisions should be taken seriously" or "The decision to begin dating should be seriously considered".
If teenagers were to date, they would
be involved in an early maturity period and face many problems, such as the positive and negative impacts, the responsibility the
burden might lead to, and the development of social maturity in early adulthood. For many teenagers dating is a habit of love and friendship that is
normal to have, but it is
dangerous if you did not listen to your parent's guidance. In fact, teenagers are too young to struggle around for a relationship or start
dating with another person. Why, exactly? You've told us numerous times that it is harmful, but not why.
The positive and negative impacts more frequently happen
to teenagers today in dating. D
ating with another person This is unnecessary, because dating, by definition, involves another person; this statement is redundant the way it stands, so take it out.
involves social participation and mature experiences. At first, dating can be very joyful and an attempt at
new love, then the possibility
of premarital sex,
and hanging out may result of drug and alcohol use. The facts You write of facts but do not provide any. Either cite facts or do not refer to ones that are not present.
are it What?
will affect teenagers' health in negative ways. Alcohol can cause extreme emotions
the way of physical acting, and drugs
can cause depression of the brain, which will lower school grades. In comparison, there are more negative impacts rather than positive. What does this have to do with dating?
Dating in teenagers
might result in unnecessary responsibilities and burdens. It is evident that teenagers start
to date in high school and start
more dating after the first one; the consequences is there will be a time to stop or go on. For example if you were to choose to go on, then you will be developing a further relationship with each other. Do you mean dating more than one person, or developing a single relationship further? This is confusing; please clarify.
of sex and family issues will soon hppen. For instance, many sixteen year
old teenagers today start
their own family and drop out of high school to become full time employees
. Where is your source for this claim? Provide supporting documentation or remove the statement.
The early adulthood is always interacting with the development of social maturity; it is when dating becomes relationship. First love is the first step toward social maturity. The second step is when relationships great responsibilities. The third step is making a living in this crucial world. This is irrelevant; it has nothing to do with teenage dating.
These are several development levels of social maturity in early adulthood. In real life, teenagers might not be aware of them. Sources?
For most of our What is your relation to the group you are referring to?
teenagers, we Are you including yourself in this group, or are you an outside observer? If you include yourself in this group, the viewpoint of the whole essay will need to be rewritten; if you are not, change this pronoun to "they" or take the pronoun out completely.
are not aware of the decisions we
make and the consequences. Sometimes our parent's guidance can be helpful or otherwise we
will be involved in situations of facing early maturities where we
cannot maintain ourselves. In every aspect views of "t
ating" Do not randomly capitalize words in the middle of sentences; capitalization is reserved for proper nouns: specific people, places, locations, and concepts.
between the ages of thirteen to nineteen years old is defiantly too young to start a date. Why? You have not told us why they are incapable of handling the responsibilities of dating.
Above all, teenagers should not be allowed to date."
This essay needs quite a bit of work. Make sure you stay on your topic; you wander off the point quite a bit throughout the whole text.
Even if this is an opinion essay, you need to have resources and supplementing documentation to support your assertions and opinions, which you do not have.
You also spend a lot of time telling us that it is dangerous for teenagers to date and the negative things that could/will result from it, but you do not explain why they are incapable of developing such relationships, leaving your essay incomplete.
Watch your viewpoint throughout the essay; if you are including yourself in the group of teenagers you are writing about, it's fine to use "we", but you will need to rewrite the essay entirely from that viewpoint. If you are not, watch the use of "we", "us", and "our"; one minute you are writing as an outsider, then instantaneously switch to being an insider, then to an outsider again. It's confusing to your readers.
I hope this helps.