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Technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing; IELTS essay


jojoman 1 / -  
Jul 2, 2015   #1
[Writing Task2 Example]
Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?


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Nowadays, many public areas are equipped with video surveillance to discourage criminals. While it is criticized to invade privacy. I believe that benefits of these cameras do outweigh it drawback.

It is sometimes argued that video camera in commonplaces is believed to increase significantly the cost of the government and limit the pedestrians. Firstly, the government has to spend more money to invest the video camera systems in those places and the payment for the staff to operate, supervise and maintain the systems. Secondly, video surveillance, to a particular extent, makes people feel uncomfortable to do their own activities in public sites. For example, in most cases, whenever the public place and other premise, which are under surveillance are likely to breach human rights to liberty, and make people feel uncomfortable to do their own activities in public sites.

Nonetheless, the video camera are regarded as a key equipment that help to reduce and minimize the ratio of crimes and save lives. It has numerous advantages which are worth considering in terms of security. First, surveillance security systems save your home and business places for potential thieves. It would be very hard for robbers to select your home for robbery. Secondly, you can record 24 hours activity of your office, and if you are unfortunate enough to be a sufferer of crime at least, there would be a firm chance chance of detection. Finally, this system offers a remote monitoring. You can keep a strong eye on your home and specially workspace. You can even check your staff movement out of your office via smart phone, laptop etc.

In conclusion, I personally believe that the benefit of using video surveillance outweigh its disadvantages because this is one of the best ways to lessen the crimes in the society and nothing can take its place.
Jaggi7921 13 / 22  
Jul 2, 2015   #2
Hello jojoman,
essay is quite good but its not gain a effective marke until u dnt achieve tha task statement.in statement like cellphone tracking or CCTV both are stated and u need to covere these both which i dnt find in ur essay.

Another thing that i noted is that repetition like home,public sites etc.
Last i would recommend u put down some real life examples.
Hopes its help u.
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Jul 3, 2015   #3
Your summary or conclusion seems to be short. It is because you have not summarized your body paragraphs. Conclusion is all about summarizing the main points of your essay.

One more thing is that writing essay in second person is not professional or academic in my view but take the second advice with a grain of salt!


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