IELTS writing- The student behavior problem causes and solutions

I'm preparing for the IELTS test. Here is the topic and my essay. Please check and correct it. And suggestions on writing skills and argument points are also welcome. Thanks very much :)

Topic: In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. what do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, student behavior problems have become increasingly common and severe in schools. Juveniles tend to be indifferent to others and lack respects. Some even develop into anti-social personalities. There are various factors that contribute to the phenomenon.

Owing to the development of mass media, youngsters today are exposed more to violent and pornographic information, which are quite improper for students. On the other hand, since parents tend to be occupied with work, they seldom supervise what their children access on the Internet or the TV. They even purchase products such as smartphones and tablets for their children to spend the leisure time, which, in fact, provide approaches to inappropriate contents, like violent computer games. Children obsessed in games can experience virtual killing and fighting, which gradually makes them irritate and readily hostile to others. Moreover, with the widespread social network websites, adolescents are accustomed to making friends on line than in reality. This leads to the alienation and the new generation turns to be less caring individuals.

Considering the causes mentioned above, the behavior issues of children can be tackled in many ways. First of all, schools should encourage parents to get more involved into children's lives, in terms of learning and playing. With more care and an improved supervision from parents, students will get less opportunities to receive the information that affect them adversely. A specific computer software should also be invented to block improper images or contents when children surf the Internet. It is also advisable that schools provide more outdoor activities to cultivate children's team spirits, respect and caring for peers, as well as decreasing the time for children to play games or Internet surfing.

To sum up, the problem of students' behavior can be addressed with the joint efforts of parents, schools and government.

This is a good essay. You have presented your argument properly and have constructed it well. :)

Maybe you could add a little bit more by talking about the recent student killings. And how easy it is for them to get addicted to stuff like drugs.

Your suggests are really helpful and I think it will make my argument more profound. Thanks very much!

.... lack respect ...not respects :)


.... "this" sounds better

Good Introduction and well presented :)


..... you can also say they can have dangerous consequences.


provide access to inappropriate contents

It's a very well written essay; good presentation and excellent vocabulary !
You really don't have to worry about this task! Good Luck!

Dear dumi:

Thanks very much for your correction and advice on my essay.

I am flattered by your praise.

Juveniles tend to be indifferent to others and lack respects.
==>>Juveniles tend to be indifferent to others and impolite

Children obsessed in games can experience virtual killing and fighting, which gradually makes them irritate and readily hostile to others.
==>>Children may be addicted to the killing and fighting activities in the virtual world, which would gradually enable them to irritate others.

With more care and an improved supervision from parents, students will get less opportunities to receive the information that affect them adversely.
==>>With more care and more direct attention form parents, students would less likely to receive the unhealthy information that may affect them adversely.

==>>With more care and more direct attention form parents, students will get fewer opportunities to receive the unhealthy information that may affect them adversely.

A specific computer software should also be invented to block improper images or contents when children surf the Internet.
==>>A specific computer software should also be invented to block pornographic images or violent contents when children surf the Internet.

Your wording is good as well.