Satirical essay; The topic is how lazy American's are.

Don't be to critical, please. This is not the finished piece of the essay, it's just what I have to far. The topic is how lazy American's are.

Life these days are so hard. We have to do everything ourselves. Like, when I'm craving Pizza I have to walk down like 10 flights of stairs to get to the phone and then I have to reach for the phone and there, I already lost half of my energy. Then, I have to dial like 100 complicated digits. Next, I have to wait for the person to pick up the phone and my legs start cramping. UGHHHH!! Finally, I have to waste my energy to talk and place my order. Why can't we just read each others mind, like come on people, invent more things that will make us fat and even more lazy then we already are. Why can't we just float in the air and not do anything? Why do we have to go to school it's not like it's helping us anyway. Why do we need money, why do we have to work to get money? Like come on can't you just give everything to us for free?

Now my mom doesn't need to cook anymore, her life has become so much easier. All we eat is fast food. But this is where my Mom's life gets even harder she has to drive all the way to Mc Donald that is 2 blocks away!!!!! She has to go to the driveway and order her food and then the long 2 minute wait and the honking in the back. It's a 2 minute wait!!! Can you believe it? That was like 2 minutes out of my Mom's life she could've used for sleeping. After my Mom drives back from Mc Donald's she has to park the car which takes FOREVER!! She has to get inside the house that takes 30 seconds!!! Half the day is like already wasted. Finally, we have the food in front of us and then we have to put it in our mouth and CHEW. Do you know hard it is to chew? It takes FOREVER!! Now it's 6:00 p.m. and it's time for bed. WHOO!! That was one tough day. Tomorrow is going to be even harder.

I'm not really sure that your point comes through in this piece. The tone and voice sounds like that of a whiny adolescent, so if that is what you are aiming for, that is accomplished. I'm just not sure that the "laziness" of Americans shows through.

First, it is not specified that Americans are those you are talking about; second, without your introduction to us that it is about laziness it is difficult for that to be seen.

To remedy this, perhaps trying a different point of view would be effective. Instead of making it a first person narrative, a third person opinion piece with some explanation and examples (like the instance above) could be included. Satire can be used in this form very successfully; if you are familiar with the stand up comedian George Carlson, he does a great job with this. Irony is something else that is often used in satire and might be beneficial for a piece such as this one; perhaps trying that instead of such staunch sarcasm would be more effective in getting your meaning broadcast to your audience.

Keep up the hard work!

Just refrain from writing "like" and it's going to be fine.