It was the day before Halloween in the year 2008. I woke up opening my eyes to bright lights in a white room, the feeling I had at this time was as though I was being born again. Did not have the slightest clue as to where I was or how I arrived there. I felt something tingling on my hand, looked down to see what it was, to my surprise it was a leech, shocked and confused I immediately flung this creature off of my hand. I then heard a noise to my left. It was my mother opening the door to my room at Walter Reed Veterans Hospital. This was the beginning of my life. My name is Ryan David Shurtleff, an I am going to share with you from what I know the start of my new life.
The first word I remember was my mom saying was, "Ryan", with joy and compassion in her voice. Right after was my confused response..."mom?" I then started asking questions, "where am I?" My mother replied "Walter Reed".
"Where is that?"
My mother- "Washington DC."
"Im back in the states?"
My mother- "Yes", with her lips curling upwards and all of her teeth showing.
.... "Why?"
My mother- "You were struck by an I.E.D. (Improvised Explosive Device a.k.a. Bomb)
One side of my lip curled up and my eyebrow on the opposite side raised.
"Haha thats funny mom, but seriously what happen?"
My mother- "I am serious, look at yourself!"
The smirk left my face and my eyebrow dropped. I then remembered flinging the leech off of my hand. I then pondered for a second. Took my gaze off of my mother an started looking down at my body. First thing I noticed was that my right arm was being held together by metal rods screwed into the bones. Then the body cast that I was wrapped in, also felt bandages wrapped around my head.
I was in five different hospitals for nine months going through therapy all day - every day, fighting to better myself. I owe my life to the people that supported and helped me in all the hospitals that I was in. Without the help that they gave me, I would not be here today writing this story. After my visit to the hospitals I returned to Fort Stewart, Georgia to complete the paperwork necessary to finalize my service in the Military. I am now here in Introduction to Business, learning a new skill in life.
After the story I have just shared with you, I hope you appreciate your life just a little more. All in all I am a fun loving twenty-five year old male with a lot of drive to be a productive human being in the time I have left.
You can't start a sentence with Did like this... unless you are using poetic license. :-) Did not have the slightest
I did not have ...
the slightest clue as to where I was or how I had arrived there. I felt something tingling on my hand. Looked I looked down to see what it was, and to my surprise it was a leech. Sh ocked and confused, I immediately flung ...
Capitalize: I then started asking questions, "Where am I?" My mother replied, "Walter Reed."
"Where is that?"
My mother- "Washington DC."
"I'm back in the states?"
The smirk left my face and my eyebrow dropped. I then remembered flinging the leech off of my hand. I then pondered for a second. Took I took my gaze off of my mother and started looking down at my body. First The first thing ..
I'm glad I have the opportunity to help you by correcting a bad habit. Look at the sentences you started with the words: Did, Looked, Took. You seem to leave out "I" for some reason. So, correct that bad habit. You have a heck of a story here! It's a great essay. Read Strunk and White to make your grammar and style perfect.
:-)
