Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


Proudest achievement of my life-linear generator buoy


abhishek 1 / -  
Mar 25, 2009   #1
A constant struggle, a ceaseless battle to bring success from inhospitable surroundings, is the pride of all great achievements. Achievement is not measured by what you accomplish but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.

I have made several achievements in my lifetime and all hold equal importance. But the day when I invented my generator, THE LINEAR GENERATOR BUOY, is perhaps the most memorable one. Those first few seconds before the lighting of the bulb, the first spark, the last weld and the feeling of imminent victory all seem exhilarating but I believe that the journey was more important than the end or the start. What's more interesting is the inspiration that resulted in this invention. It was close to what inspired Archimedes. I was swimming in a pool and it was here that the waves gave me the idea of creating electricity from it. It took me more than a year to make this generator. Success seemed to cease all meaning for me. Thomas Elva Edison once said and I quote "I just learned the hundred ways as to how not to make a bulb" and perhaps this line fits for me too. The fruitfulness in experimentation has no match in this world. And finally the day, awaited with much desperation, came into existence. The generator was completed. Not only did it work but was appreciated by everyone and this was exactly the proudest moment of all.

Success is what you give and not what you take from this world. With this generator i will not only be able to make free power but also help those millions of people living in this world and save my home and my environment.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 25, 2009   #2
This is free of errors as far as I can see, but the first paragraph would be better if it would make a transition, through the addition of one more sentence at the end, into the way that this truth is represented by the accomplishment you are talking about in the essay. I think you should introduce the idea of the LGB at the end of that first para, and then explain what it is in the second para. In fact, to this end, you could take that first sentence of the second para and make it the last sentence of the first para.

I don't like this part below. I think you should explain it better or take it out.
What's more interesting is the inspiration that resulted in this invention. It was close to what inspired Archimedes.

Is this thing you created really something that has not yet been invented? If so, did you get a patent? I can imagine what you mean... it generates electricity like a wind mill only through the movement of water rather than air? Impressive!
savvy - / 3  
Mar 26, 2009   #3
pretty impressive essay... specially ur ideas.. overall i don thin dis essay requires much of changes.. i agree wid kevin though... good job done!!..


Home / Writing Feedback / Proudest achievement of my life-linear generator buoy
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳