Question:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both this views and give your opinion.
Answer:
Nowadays, some people believe that competition is the key to survive in this fast-phased changes era. While, others argue that cooperation will be much more helpful to mingle faster within society. Both have been discussed by people, especially by parents, since years to seek which one is better than another to be stimulated to their own kids. However, although I agree that both have their own strengths which are beneficial in particular areas for children life in the future, personally I believe that being cooperative will bring more positive impacts to the up-coming generations.
Being competitive is a natural feeling that undeniable to be owned by each individual. It can be seen from these following illustrations: children who compete to get their parents' attentions; students to gather reward points in their class; or a worker to attain promotion. People somehow do not realize that the nature of being competitive has been developed within their own selves since they were fetus. In addition, this kind of attitude is crucially required to develop for people in certain professions such as athlete and entertainer. The atmosphere of strong competitions in both areas becomes the premiere motive for their actors to sharpen their competitive spirit in order to survive or even be on top.
Meanwhile, being cooperative is the attitude that needs to be stimulated frequently since it gradually develops by the time when people transform from individual to social beings. Aristotle said that "man is by nature social animal". It means that mankind and social groups are inseparable. To live comfortably in society which characterized by a group of heterogeneity individuals, being cooperative is highly favorable as the proverb said that 'we sow what we reap'. To illustrate, people will be helped after their offering their assistance in previous time. However, cooperation consists of such actions as helping each other, working together, sharing idea, and many group activities that are all practical for future life of the youngsters.
In summary, while to compete is part of each human nature, for me it is inevitable for mankind to cooperate with other due to the matter of fact that they are social beings. Therefore, parents should stimulate both skills to their descendants in order to sharpen their abilities to deal with both individual and social tasks in the up-coming period.
(385 Words)
p.s. I think I get lost while composing this writing, and for me my ideas seem so off-topics. Need your powerful suggestions please dear people, big thanks. (:
Hi Febriyani, as I read through your essay, I don't think that you got lost in the process of writing your ideas and in creating a good essay, what happens in your essay is that, you tend or try too hard to use words that are somehow not necessary anymore to the essay. Somehow, the sentences are already good, then what you do, you try to include words that you think will do good to the essay, however, what it does is, it confuses the readers and the overall outcome of the ideas in the essay.
To elaborate this findings, please find the corrections below;
- this fast-phased changes era. ( or you can say - fast phase environment )
- muchmore helpful to mingle
- faster within society. Both, both have
- been discussed by people, especially by parents( this phrase is not necessary )
- , sincefor years to
- tofor their own kids.
- However, although I agree that
- for their childrens
- lifelives in the future,. ( you can end this statement and start a new one )
- I personally I believe that, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) being cooperative
- to the up-coming generationskids future .
There you have it Febriyani, I hope the corrections help and do let us know should you need further assistance. I wish you follow through with the corrections and do the same for the rest of the essay.
Hi Febriyani, here's some additional remarks to your writing practice.
- In summaryconclusion ( I think this is more appropriate in this part of the essay ) ,
- while to compete is a part
- of eachour human nature,
- with each other due
- to the matter of fact that
- theywe are social beings.
- tasks in the up-coming periodcoming challenges in their lives .
There you have it Febriyani, you are now left with the body of the essay for you to modify. I hope the suggested corrections help you in coming up with a stronger essay. Remember, this suggestions are done with the hopes of letting you see the difference of your essay from its original version to your final revision. Should you need further assistance, do let us know, we will be here to assist you.
