I'm preparing my writing skill for the IELTS examonation, that will be very soon! Hope, you will suggest me how to organize better (maybe also ideas), because I have a problem with organization, and show me my grammar mistakes.
I appreciate! Thank you!!!
Full title: Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this idea?
Nowadays computers play an essential role in the people's lives. There are a huge number of benefits of computers, and all this advantages lead to make a life easier, faster and productively. In our advanced society it is clear that people who cannot work with computers will be soon disadvantaged.
Computers have contributed to the world's living standard in many beneficial ways, such as people have started to economize their time at work; consequently companies tend to become more productive and competitive. For instance, since computers have been arrived to the people's lives, the world's economies have improved progressively, as corporations started to work effectively and faster by using computers.
These days for all companies the knowledge of computers of its employees is very essential and needful. Therefore people who know computers can easier find job compare with those who do not know how to use them. The second category of people suffers, because to find a good job for them is impossible.
Moreover every single day computers and its programs have been advancing and companies are trying to know all about this changes instantly, as these changes can make their work system easier and faster. These changes are inescapable; thereby people should learn computers and its programs constantly to be appropriate of companies' requirements.
Computers improve people's lives making it easier, faster and more productive, as a result of this the world needs employees with knowledge of computers. Consequently, people who cannot work with computers will be soon disadvantaged, because companies choose those employees who can use computers better.
Computers improve people's lives making it easier, faster and more productive, as a result of this the world needs employees with knowledge of computers
This sentence does not seem logical: there is not a direct correlation btw computers making people's lives easier, and employers needing employees equipped w/ computer technology
Furthermore, there can always be some more flavor added to an essay's conclusion and the heading, to make it sort of stand out , which could be made through using metaphors.
Rather than
"Nowadays computers play an essential role in people's lives"
which is a little cliched and vague,
I suggest
The technological breakthrough with the advent of personal computers have dramatically changed lifestyles all around the world.
April and Junwoo Suh, thank you from the deepest of my heart!!!
Hope your suggestions and examples will help me to improve my writing and also to to bring out clear and more specific ideas. I will try my best to remember all these advices and use them on practise and on my exam!!!
