It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!
Prompt: Do people view things from the same perspective?
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Perspective is a universal attribute in humans. Everyone views the world through a certain perspective of their own; that is why perspective is so important. In fact, perspective allows the formation of opinion, which brings diversity to interactions. In lifestyle and in culture, different people will always adopt different perspectives on the same topic.
Differing perspectives on life are especially pervasive in literature. The novel The Great Gatsby by lost generation writer F. Scott Fitzgerald documents two clashing perspectives on the American Dream through characters Jay Gatsby and Tom Buchanan. Gatsby, who built himself a lavish lifestyle our of nothing through hard work and some shady businesses represents the "new money" perspective, which views the American Dream as the ultimate goal at the end of a long, arduous journey. Buchanan, on the other hand, embodies the "old money" mindset, as he inherited most of his wealth and sees success more traditionally, and attainable only by those with an affluent, honest background. The juxtaposition of the two characters conveys two starkly contrasting perspectives on living during the post-World War II era.
Differing perspectives exist on a cultural level as well. The discrepancies between Western and Eastern views on fine arts demonstrates this. In Western tradition, art was founded heavily on depth and light, as these two elements were the most important requirements for creating a realistic yet emotional depiction. Conversely, Eastern art focused on shape and line, as it was believed that art was meant to be graphic and aesthetically sound, and the harmony of bold lines and interesting patterns accomplished this. Art is just one example of how culture harbors many varying perspectives.
Although some may agree that the majority of people see things in a similar light, each person's point of view has nuances that make his or her perspective unique. This is evident in literature, such as Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, as well as culture, particularly in art. Indeed, no matter what subject is being discussed, different people will form different perspectives about the same topic.
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I can help you with some of your essay. I would like to focus on your thesis.
Thesis: "In lifestyle and in culture, different people will always adopt different perspectives on the same topic." I think the word order was confusing. This is not the perfect thesis but a suggestion I thought of: "In fact, different people have adopted different perspectives on the same topic,such as their lifestyle or culture."
Let me help to explain the relevance of the suggestion I have written for a thesis statement:
Relevance: The thesis statement mentions different people adopting different perspectives on lifestyle.
Gatsby: Lifestyle, new money
Buchanan:Lifestyle, old money
The thesis statement mentions different people adopting different perspectives on culture:
People in the west-culture, depth and light
People in the east-culture, shape and line
If you look at what I have outlined, you can see that the 2nd paragraph seems to relate to the thesis. However, the third paragraph the word people is missing. It should state, " People's views on fine arts in the western and eastern regions demonstrates these discrepancies." Yet, describing depth and light and shape and line is analyzing the art. You could have described how those in the western and eastern region drew inspiration from their culture to make artwork,which is seen in how the west depicts emotions and the east chooses graphics.
I think that this essay may get a 8 out of 12 work hard to achieve a perfect 12 .
Its a well writeen essay, however there is still need of improvement.!!!
Best of luck.
Your ideas are concise , however, I would try to correct some of the grammar mistakes that are located in your essay. However, since you have only twenty-five minutes to write at least four paragraphs, grammar mistakes are very minor.
As for the content itself:
I like how you used the Great Gatsby as one of your examples. You should always have several books in mind when trying to provide support. If you are finding yourself lacking examples in literature, I suggest that you go to Sparknotes and read the summaries of major books in which high school English tend to assign, such as: How To Kill a Mockingbird, One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, or Catcher in the Rye.
Try and provide an example from history as it is always filled with examples that pertain to social characteristics such as perspective.
For instance, you can talk about the Cold War and how the political perspectives of the United States and the USSR resulted in tension that lasted all the till the fall of the Soviet Union. This could serve as example of how perspectives could differentiate from one another.
By providing a third example, you can strengthen your argument even more and fill in some of the gaps that are scattered in the previous paragraphs.
Overall, I would give this essay a nine out of twelve. The ideas in which you propose are great but need a bit more elaboration. The body paragraphs, especially, should contain at least 5- 8 sentences. The beginning and conclusions paragraphs can be short. However, try to formulate a "so what" line at the end of your essay. You want your the reader to care about your opinion by telling him or her why should a topic, such as perspective, should be essential to the world and real life itself.
If you keep these tips in mind and practice writing your essays under timed conditions, I am confident you can score a 10 or above on your SAT essays.
Best of luck.
