IELTS-Some people think the role of women in military or police forces is relevant

QUESTION:
Some people think that the role of women in the military or police forces is very relevant and becoming more significant. Others argue the opposite. Do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion?

ANSWER:
Women role in military or police forces are excellent, extra-ordinary, intelligent and multi-tasking in their tasks. Some people believe that women role is appropriate and their services to military or police service is necessary while others oppose it. I completely agree that women are necessary for military or police forces to serve and protect nation and criminals. In my opinion, women play a pertinent role similar to men in tracing and attacking militants and criminals.

In general, women are good in multi-tasking. So that they are very useful in tracing as well as attacking enemies on time and protect their nation. For example, In India many women are joining in military forces as they are capable of fighting against criminals and trace the terrorist to safeguard their nation. So that women role is very important in military forces.

Moreover, women in police service are excellent in inspecting and knock down the criminals. They are both mentally and physically fit to handle criminals. For example, Tamil Nadu women Inspector of police service from India, Thilagavathy had won many rewards for reducing criminal activity in the state and she faced many encounter of criminals similar to men. Thus it is clear, that women role is necessary to decrease crimes.

In a nutshell, women plays significant role in military and police services. As they are passionate, service-oriented, honest, confident, energetic, good at management, motivator, inspirational, vigilant parallel to men and serve well for their country to protect from enemies and criminals. They are god created creature similar to men lets respect, appreciate, guide, obey and salute for their service and sacrifice to the human kind.

to serve and protect the nation and catch criminals?



They are created by God, and similar to men, therefore/so lets respect

So that they are very useful in tracing as well as attacking

Instead of so that i think you should use "Therfore".
Above all you have written a good essay.

Grammar issue; role is/ roles are
Also I cannot understand the message that you try to convey from this opening sentence. I guess it's better if you could rephrase.


You should not protect criminals. You should bring these criminals before the law. However, it is important to prevent crimes.


I feel it's better if you add a few words to say why women should do this;
In my opinion, women can play an important role in military and police forces by sharing responsiblities with men in order to bring peace and harmony for their nations.

I can not understand the meaning of this sentence. Please rephrase it.


Some people believe that women have a key role to play in the military and police services, whilst others oppose this idea,


I agree with the idea that women are necessary in the military and police forces. ... Keep it simple.. :)

Hai Dev...

Multi tasking in their tasks...?

aditional points..

The service of women in help to handle female offenders in a betterway.

:they can understand womens' problems and tackle them more effectively.

:women proved their brillience and excellence in all fields and military is not an excemption.

Tessy