Do you agree or disagree with the statement that people should read or watch news presented by people whose views are different from your own?
Dear editor,
This is a TOEFL essay and I would like to know whether the grammar is correct or not. Moreover, I don't know the supporting details of topic sentences are convincing or not? Thank you :)
News agencies broadcast many different news from a variety of resources. News can be about many different subjects and provide information about various events that are happening all over the world. Although people naturally tend to listen and watch those news that are similar to their own ideas, but I believe that sometimes people should watch news that are presented by those who have an opposite or different views than themselves.
Watching different news will give the people the ability to distinct the difference between wrong and right. When people listen to opposing views, their cognitive ability and critical thinking will be improved. Consequently, they can analyze the causes of some worldwide issues like poverty and war more precisely. In addition, people who are exposed to a variety of news are more inclined to resolve their personal problems and family issues. They can evaluate a problem from different angles and find the weaknesses expeditiously.
When people try to listen to opposing views and contemplate thoroughly on the ideas that are different than their own, they might realize that maybe their own ideas are not true and thus become more flexible to change them. Therefore, it might be probable that people become more inclined to change their false ideas and embrace new ones. For instance, when the United States went through a huge economic recession, some news agencies attributed the cause of this recession to the corruption of Wall Street big companies. On the other hand, some people thought the reason of the huge number of bankrupted companies was because of incompetent managers. Nevertheless, when people listened to a TV debate show of a reliable news agency, BBC, they realized that they have made a big mistake and judged too soon. As a result, their ideas have been changed.
Listening to diverse news enhances peoples' tolerance. People will be more eager to hear feedbacks and even will be more tolerant to accept criticism. When people watch a hot debate around a particular news in TV, they can learn from the high tolerance of two opponents that are arguing with each other. As a result, when people have a dispute with their friends or colleagues, they might act more sensibly and be more susceptible to accept criticism.
All things considered, I believe that listening and watching different news will provide people with the opportunity to be more critical, more flexible and more tolerant.
My point of view is not professional, but I would like to outline what I have inferred about essays writing during my IELTS preps course.
I am not a big grammar expert, but it seems okay. However, there are some things I would change:
1) Although people naturally tend to listen and watch thosethat(News is singular) news that are similar to their own ideas, but I believe that sometimes people should watch news that are presented by those who have an opposite or different views than themselves.
Personally, too long sentence and difficult to understand. You also put "although" in the first part and "but" in the second part of the sentence, seems like the double contradiction, not applicable.
2)Listening to diverse news enhances peoples' tolerance. I don't understand this sentence. It seems uncompleted. I suppose you wanted to write like this: "...tolerance, people... "
When people watch a hot debate around a particular news in TV, they can learn from the high tolerance of two opponents that are arguing with each other. As a result, when people have a dispute with their friends or colleagues, they might act more sensibly and be more susceptible to accept criticism. I would change the second sentence to "As a result, in the case of disputation with friends, people/individuals might act more..."
3). Better to start the conclusion with "To conclude/To summarise/Overall"
Arguments seemed to be convenient :)
