Living in 21st century where world has become a global village and trends from the history have changed, transformation and transitions are every happening phenomenon. In this modern world, present day conditions, the flexibility to the old worlds paths, procedures and adaptation to the modern world's requirement's is a dire need.
Today the working age and class of people is no longer limitized and restricted by any means as long as one is fit to work and continue his/her job, no matter what background he/her is from. People should be allowed to work without any full stop to the age. As in present day examples around us we see people as old as 80 years are working and proficiently in many different government, civil, bureaucratic, armed forces, teachers and so on fields. Many people can be seen through media, news and other forms of electronic and print media as a proof of working professionals in every walk of life and in almost every field.
Moreover, the age restriction in some societies is nothing but a source of huge downlink impact on country's economy in the form of old age homes, houses and homeless centers. Whereas the same old parents/persons can be utilized by letting them working and this can be beneficial for the country twofold. On one hand by allowing over age people to work not only government has not to pay for them rather they will be contributing to the country's economy and prosperity as a very useful member and citizen. As a matter of fact, from daily life around us we can find the thousands of practical examples, where many rather tons of people otherwise considered overage and retired from the government jobs just grabbed the opportunity and are now working perfectly in their current roles and proving equally good as their younger fellow workers. Aiding to this many researches conducted globally have proven that age cannot limit the thirst to work and can be quenched by working only.
Having said that advantages and goods of the old age working benefits here can be limited disadvantages like the nature of work that night involve manual handling, lifting and continuous monitoring, where the age factor can be taken into account, but in such cases other considerations might do and can counter the effect of age with something else much more worth considering.
Keeping in view, both advantages and disadvantages, I personally think and suggest that let us not place the age barrier to any job where possible. Aa this will increase the problems rather than solving them in many different ways and aspects, yet in this most modern era in the earth's history.
Hi, Adeel!
Let me share some points of your writing.
Well, actually in general I can understand your main point of your writing, but there are several things that you need to give a careful consideration, especially in punctuation (mostly the placement of comma), sentence structure, and vocabulary in order to make your idea well-delivered.
Punctuation
Aiding to this many researches conducted globally ...
Aiding to this, many researches that conducted globally have proven that age cannot limit the thirst to work and can be quenched by working only
Sentence structure
Having said that advantages and goods of the old age [...] age with something else much more worth considering.
For me, if it is a paragraph, it need to be broken down into several sentences. While, if it is a sentence, it's way too long without clear idea.
vocabulary
People should be allowed to work without any full stop to the age.
Besides, most of your sentences consist of complex ideas that unfortunately does not arranged smoothly yet so that it makes us hard to understand the meaning.
On one hand by allowing over age people to work ...
However, above all, the main point that become fatal is that the absence of a clear introductory paragraph along with the thesis statement, which is one of the most crucial point that highlights the overall idea of our writing.
That's all things that I can share or now.
Hopefully that will be helpful. (:
... world has become a global village and trends from the historyThe trend of the historyhavehas changed ,.The transformation and The transitions are every happening phenomenon. In this modern worldI think it is redundant, present day conditions, the flexibility to the old worlds world paths, procedures and adaptation to the modern world's requirement'sworld requirement is a dire need.
Dear adel, thank you for uploading your essay. I only give a several correction for your introduction. and let the other member correct your following paragraph.
Goodluck and keep striving.
Hi Adeel, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family.
Thank you for trusting us to provide you with accurate and objective feedback on your writing project.
Here's a few additional insights to your essay.
- Living in the 21st century
- where the world has
- are every happeningis a very constant phenomenon.
- In this modern world, present day conditions, the( this phrase is not necessary ) The flexibility
- requirement's is ain dire need.
- longer limitizedlimited and restricted
- continue to do his/her job,
- he/hershe is from.
- any full stop to the age consideration .
- As in present day examples around usW e see people
- as old as 80,years are working and proficiently
- in many different areas, either the government,
There you have it Adeel, I hope you find the corrections above to be helpful and even more useful to the revision of your essay. What you need to work on is the construction of your sentences, the idea is in your head, however, expressing it is quiet difficult and this needs a lot of practice.
Hi Adeel. Providing constructive and accurate feedbacks to all members is our mission, so no need to worry. Now I have several suggestions to your essay, focusing on the first and second paragraph.
1st paragraph:
Learn more about the use of articles, since the previous comments found that you have problems in using articles.
For the second sentence, I have an example of revised sentence for you to consider:
Several aspects such as present day conditions, flexibility to the old world's paths, procedures, and adaptation is necessary as the world is entering the era of modernization.
2nd paragraph:
"Today,(in this pattern, you need to put a comma after the first word) the working age.."
"..limitizedlimited .."
"People should be allowed to work without any full stop to the age. " I am actually quite confused about the meaning of the sentence.
" As in present day examples,around us we see.."
"..and proficiently in many different workfields, such as .."
"..working professionals in every walk of life .." I am a little bit distracted with the phrases, what doe it means?
I suggest you to learn more about the grammar since there are some grammatical issues in your essay.
I will probably continue to the next paragraph later. Perhaps the other members of EF can give you additional insights to shape your writing. Keep practicing!
I agree with this point
Punctuation
Aiding to this many researches conducted globally ...
Aiding to this, many researches that conducted globally have proven that age cannot limit the thirst to work and can be quenched by working only
Sentence structure
Having said that advantages and goods of the old age [...] age with something else much more worth considering.
For me, if it is a paragraph, it need to be broken down into several sentences. While, if it is a sentence, it's way too long without clear idea.
vocabulary
People should be allowed to work without any full stop to the age.
Besides, most of your sentences consist of complex ideas that unfortunately does not arranged smoothly yet so that it makes us hard to understand the meaning.
On one hand by allowing over age people to work ...
