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I'm a nice person that is always trying to help others. Self-evaluation for my teacher


ronny12 2 / 4  
Sep 14, 2014   #1
Hello, my teacher wants us to make a self-evaluation and tell him more about us. I would be very thankful if you can tell me what mistakes I made and what I could perhaps make better or add.

I would say I'm a nice person that is always trying to help others. I always want people happy and smiling. People tell me that I'm very mature and polite, but I think sometimes I'm too polite.

I don't accept being happy with what I have, I'm a perfectionist and always want more. I am a hard worker and believe that if I want something I should be able to get it myself. So I'm very patient. I hate it when I have to borrow things from people or when I need their help. I want to stay independent and I hate it when I have to borrow things from people or when I need their help. I want to stay independent and modest.

I love challenges, and I always pursue to accomplish. But I don't like to flaunt success or to show off. I never want to take the center stage. I'm usually very calm and easy going. Consequently I can't abide very impulsive people. I hate bragger, faultfinder and naive persons.

I try to plan many things in advance; unexpected events make me feel uncomfortable quickly. Therefore I'm not adaptable or flexible. I always think positive, but however I'm realist and oftentimes don't set my expectations too high to avoid getting disappointed. I am a hard worker, but now and then I exaggerate as well.

I'm a good and reliable friend but not extremely social with people. I'd rather do home projects than hang out shopping at the mall. I love to be around educated people as they inspire me. But there are the times I require my "quiet space", I read and think during those times and would be insane without them.

I'm not a good athlete, but often ride bicycle. I love flying and aviation. I also like to travel and to explore new places.

I try to keep respectful, friendly, sensitive and trustworthy. I hate to lie, but I also don't like hurting people. I'm also very attentive and empathetic. So sometimes don't tell the persons the whole truth unless it's necessary to give it out all. I hate naive people and faultfinder. I don't like violence; if there is a conflict, most time I just escape.

What could I say at the end? Thank you!!
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Sep 14, 2014   #2
While it is good that you are able to present a point of view about yourself in a direct and concise manner, this also proves to be a problem for your essay. You speak of your character traits and flaws in an interesting manner but you fail to develop the statements with examples of how these traits of your affect the people around you. For example, you say that you like to make people happy and smile. Can you give an example of why you do that? What is your reason for wanting to make people happy?

Your discussion of being independent and modest is downright confusing. These are 2 unrelated topics that should be discussed separately. That way you can provide a better explanation of the reasons behind your self-evaluation.

In the portion where you talk about your dislike for certain types of people, you need explain how that dislike developed so that your self-evaluation for this hate will have a solid basis backing it up.

The most basic problem of your essay is that you say a lot about yourself without actually saying much. You need to develop your self-evaluation with more explanations or facts in order to help your teacher understand where your self-evaluation is coming from. Right now, it is just a mess of words that explain very little about, even with all of the descriptions that you gave about yourself. I hate to say it but a full revision of the content of this paper will be necessary before we can even begin to work on fixing the grammar and sentence structure issues :-( I hope that my suggestions can help you with your revision work :-)
OP ronny12 2 / 4  
Sep 14, 2014   #3
Thank you for your help. Maybe I have to say that this is shouldn't be an essay. We should just prepare to talk in groups.

Where are grammatical mistakes and sentence structure issues?

Thank you very much.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Sep 14, 2014   #4
Before we can work on your grammar and sentence issues, we need to fix the content of your essay first. That is why I did not write and corrections or revisions regarding you r mistakes. You need to revise the paper. Write it again using my comments as your guide in improving the paper. Even if you are just preparing to talk in a group, you need to be prepared to answer any questions coming from them. That is called "anticipating clarification questions". You write down everything you want to say and then think about any questions that the group might ask you about. That is why I was suggesting that you add content or revise certain portions of your essay. By doing so, you will be able to address a question that might come up during the group discussion.

Let me just repeat what I said at the end of my review, which should have made it clear that the essay needs to be revised: "The most basic problem of your essay is that you say a lot about yourself without actually saying much. You need to develop your self-evaluation with more explanations or facts in order to help your teacher understand where your self-evaluation is coming from. Right now, it is just a mess of words that explain very little about, even with all of the descriptions that you gave about yourself. I hate to say it but a full revision of the content of this paper will be necessary before we can even begin to work on fixing the grammar and sentence structure issues :-( I hope that my suggestions can help you with your revision work :-)"

I am looking forward to reading your revised self-evaluation, let's not call it an essay ;-)
niesaysi 16 / 290 85  
Sep 14, 2014   #5
I love challenges, and I always pursue to accomplish.

This is incomplete. What are you going to accomplish? Your goals? If that so, better state it clearly :)

I always think positive, but however I'm realist...
I'd rather do home projects than hang out with my friends like shopping at the mall..

But there are the times I require my "quiet space", I read and think during those times and would be insane without them.

Rephrase this. The idea seems rambling.

I'm not a good athlete, but often ride bicycle. I love flying and aviation. I also like to travel and to explore new places.

I'm not a good athlete, but I am fond of riding bicycle, flying and aviation, and exploring new places.

I try to keep myself respectful, friendly, sensitive and trustworthy.

So sometimes don't tell the persons the whole truth unless it's necessary to give it out all.

This makes me confused. Are you referring to yourself or to the reader? In this sentence, you are advising/suggesting it to the reader.


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