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TOEFL - Tv has NO negative effects on children.


wlsguszizi 1 / -  
Jul 21, 2011   #1
Hello, this is my first post in this website...
I wonder if I can get feedback from the expert..
Thank you!

Nowadays, we have undergone many technology innovations such as Tv. Many people say that television has negative effects on children, since it can be violent or inappropriate for children. However, I strongly believe that television has more positive effects than the negative effects. There are two reasons to support my idea.

First of all, television has useful and educational programs. Not only the up-to-date news, but also there are many programs which has educational purposes. If children can use those programs wisely, they can learn many information from it. For example, in Korea, there's program called EBS. It is targeted for children to teenager. We can study subjects through EBS lecture. Also, there are many documentary films such as the life of a great man in Korea. Using those education programs let people get a lot of inspirations instead of having negative effects.

In addition, Tv is helpful to relieve our stresses. There are many Tv programs such as sports programs. Many children have a lot of stresses recently, since they have so much pressure about study. When they are watching sports programs, it's easy to relieve those stresses. As an example, I got too much stress from the school. So, I was quite aggressive, however. After I watch the soccer match between Korea and Japan, the stress was gone. Instead, this soccer match helped me to continue my academic career in the school, since it helped me to relieve my stress.

In conclusion, of course, the television can have violent programs, however. If children can use Tv programs wisely, there are more positive effects than negative effects. Now that, it has useful and educational programs and quite helpful to relieve stresses for children. For these reasons, I strongly disagree with the statement that television has negative effects on children.
celu 8 / 20  
Jul 22, 2011   #2
yes, you are right . it is ``relieve ``
I saw it too late , and I could not correct it anymore. you are right . I am sorry for the mistake.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 23, 2011   #3
Use the word television instead of TV.

There are two reasons to support my idea.

At the end of the first paragraph, give a sentence that sums up the MAIN IDEA of the essay.

I have one correction to add to what Mirela said:
As an example, I got too much stress from the school. So, I was quite aggressive. However, after I watched the...

In conclusion, of course, the television can have violent programs. However, if children can...

The word HOWEVER can be used at the beginning, middle, or end of a sentence. To use it correctly, however, you should look for some good examples to follow. However, not all examples you find on the Internet will be correct.


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