Ielts: it is necessary that parents should be obliged to protect their offspring by vaccination

Should parents be obliged to immunize their children against childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children?

Scientists claim that children under ten years ago suffer easily childhood diseases due to a weak immune system. In present circumstances, immunizing children against these illnesses is one of the most prevalent and effective solutions. It is a highly debatable issue whether parents must have responsibility to immunize their children. Some individuals believe that it should be parent's choice and should not be an obligation, whereas others agree with the opposed suggestion. Personally, I will demonstrate some compelling reasons to support the latter view.

There is an unfortunately distressful fact that the most common way to immunize is using vaccine which still sometimes causes the children's death. However, this case is minority and just happens infrequently. Every issue has both positive and negative side, accordingly, despite a detrimental consequence, it is undeniable that immunizing against diseases has many considerable benefits.

The most effective and principal benefit of vaccine injection to children is to protect children's health against dangerous diseases. It is proved that vaccine injection not only improve children's immune system but also help them to develop the physical and intellectual, what is more, apart from children vaccinated, other children who go to nursery and primary school with them could also not be affected by infectious diseases. Therefore, immunizing children is completely the best solution to protect them and then build a healthy and happy family.

Some parents are afraid of immunization's unintended effects and hesitate to immunize their children as soon as possible. It is reasonable why people are anxious due to few unfortunate effects, but their hesitation has led to detrimental consequences. For example, the proportion of their children's childhood diseases infection will definitely increase and even if injecting vaccine has been done late, children also risk these diseases. Parents should believe advantages of vaccine's safety.

Apart from, immunization against childhood diseases, there are many diseases could be prevented by vaccine, so it is necessary that parents should be obliged to protect their offspring by vaccination. Another importance is that it is essential to demonstrate vaccination's benefits to all citizens and also assure vaccine's quality.

Scientists claim that children under ten years ago suffer easily childhood diseases due to a weak immune system.--> ago is not neccessary
Scientists claim that children under ten years suffer childhood diseases due to a weak immune system.

Scientists claim that children under ten years ago
is it right? or do you mean 'ten years old'?

also, your introduction seems too long, in the introduction paragraph, you just need to give three or four sentences, don't give details information

It is proved thatResult shows that vaccine injection not only improveS children's immune system but also helpS them to develop the physical appearance and intellectual ability , (stop here) wW hat is more, apart from children vaccinated, other children who go to nursery and primary school with them could also not be affected by infectious diseases.

EveryThe range of issue has both positive and negative sideS

@ ooaps. I meat "ten years old". I want give some general information related to my topic, but it's quite long and wastes time.tks :)

@ my teacher also told me that " it is proved that " is irrelevant, but i dont know why. Could you explain clearly?

This sentence has several issues that include clarity issues and grammar issues. Let's take this part ;


.... are you talking about "children under ten years" or "children who were born ten years ago" ?
Clarity should have first priority in writing. Make sure your ideas are delivered clearly to the reader.


This sentence is too very long... The reader does not want to memorize so many details in a sentence to get your idea. So, it is better you write shorter sentences.