Im writting a narration essay and im having trouble placing my thesis. I'm thinking that i should change my first paragragh a lot and possible move my thesis to the end. Also, i think i need a better place to start my story rather than saying "ever since I was young... ". Any suggestions? PLEASE help me edit my essay. THANKS!
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Have you ever wondered if ghosts exist? People in the past, have made countless claims reporting the apparitions they have seen or encountered. Children especially, are more commonly known to have interactions with ghosts. It is believed, that this is because, children have not yet had years to adjust their thinking of what to accept or not accept as reality. Adults program their thinking to consequently refuse certain images and noises as being real. In telling our children that it was just a bad dream, we are inadvertently teaching them to mistrust what they may have actually been seeing. This will then build on their concept of reality as they are being trained not to believe in ghosts or other phenomenon. Therefore, we shouldn't impose the idea onto our children that ghosts aren't real without factual knowledge considering the experiences of others have proven other possibilities. There is an event that happened to me in which challenges my belief in the existence of spirits.
Ever since I was young, I've been strangely afraid of almost everything imaginable. Sleeping especially was difficult for me given my vast imagination. As soon as the light was out, I became incredibly fearful of the objects surrounding me as they would mutate into deadly creatures. In an attempt to comfort me, my mom would constantly explain that the images I was seeing weren't real.
Around the age of nine, I was living back in my old apartment. My room was a dull yellow with a bordering Disney wallpaper. In my room, I had this white wicker rocking chair situated across my bed that was given to me by my grandmother.
One night, months after my grandmother passed away, I found myself in a restless sleep. I can still remember the rain lightly pattering against my window and the rhythmic thrusts of the tree branch caused by the fierce wind. I tossed and turned in my bed, trying to find a comfortable position but instead I found the noises from outside rather distracting. As I turned to gaze towards my window I caught a glimpse my rocking chair, slowly moving back and forth. An image suddenly became clearer to me for it was what appeared to be my grandmother. With her short, dark hair, piercing eyes, and that congenial smile I could recognize her immediately. Panicked, I abruptly closed my eyes. With my head smothered in my pillow, I tried convincing myself that she was simply a figment of my imagination. My palms were now gradually becoming sweaty and so I rubbed them against the cool bed sheet fabric. Finally, I decided that I'd take another look and prove to myself that I was just seeing things. With my eyes still tightly shut, I removed my face from within the pillow and faced the rocking chair. Bravely, I opened my eyes. Again, there she was. Only this time, her head was rested on her arms at the edge of my bed directly in front of my face. She was smiling. Immediately I closed my eyes. I wanted to scream but I couldn't, something was stopping me. My mouth was really dry and I had this slight burning sensation in my mouth. All the sudden, I could feel a blanket of cold air hovering over me and I began to shake uncontrollably. Unexpectedly, I gained control and yelled for my mom. She came running; turned on the light and asked me what was wrong. With my eyes still closed and my head in my pillow, I told her what I saw. She then assured me that I was "just dreaming" and that it wasn't real.
My experience has therefore allowed me to realize the possibility that there are spirits roaming our world that try to come into contact with certain people. However, given my mom's efforts to convince me otherwise, my concept of reality was likely molded and altered. As a result, I never had another encounter with my grandmother or any other spirit for that matter.
Greetings!
A thesis helps orient the reader to know what your essay is about. That's why you should include it in the first paragraph. It sets the groundwork for the rest of the essay.
If you don't like "Ever since I was young," you could say "From an earl age" or "Since childhood..."
Don't go too crazy with your commas; note where I've removed some for you and added another:
People [delete in the past] have made countless claims reporting the apparitions they have seen or encountered. Children, especially, are more commonly known to have interactions with ghosts. It is believed that this is because children have not yet had years to adjust their thinking of what to accept or not accept as reality.
All the sudden - The expression is "All of a sudden"; it seems that "all of a sudden" many people have begun to say it differently--perhaps it will eventually evolve, but for now, it's still "all of a sudden."
I never had another encounter with my grandmother, or any other spirit for that matter.
What a scary experience! Good job!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
