Money is important but should not be considered as the end in itself - GRE argument essay

Hi help me with the essay writing for GRE . Is the essay too short for GRE ?
Thank you in advance.

Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

What you believe in. Give an example for your belief. Then state a little about the other aspect.
-----------------------------------------

How can one enjoy fruits of money when means to acquire money has deteriorated the health and well being of society and environment. In todays capitalistic society, corporations are the main drivers of the economy. They provide employment, generate resources and raise money for the society. But if the motive deviates from the society, this may prove unhealthy for the society as well as corporations too as stated in a common adage: "Who will guard the guards". This states that people from the society only runs corporations and if the corporations would be indifferent to these people , then who would make money for the corporations.

For an instance consider the corporations that deals with the coal and petroleum. Now if the corporations in order to make money would decide to export more fuels and sell them at a way higher price then required then it would be detrimental to society as people would not be able to afford that much thus affecting their growth which eventually may lead to decline in the growth of the corporations as well.

As a gainsay take Google as an example which has risen from being an internet search based company to a technology behemoth with innovation as the benchmark for success. It does not give priority to money making over innovations. It constantly strives to make people's life easier and enjoyable by giving cutting edge technological solutions at a very low price. It is a company with highest job satisfaction by employees and also does not harm the environment unduly. On the contrary take the example of huge subprime crisis that consumed many renowned banks in US because of the desires to make huge profits that led to abortive consequences. Therefore I believe that the corporations do have a responsibility to promote the well being of the societies and environments in which they operate.

Paradoxically money is important for economy , it gives a perspective and a goal. Money breaks monopoly and it gives rise to competition and cost effectiveness. To exemplify take the example of big stores like Walmart which has become the biggest retailer today because of the largest sales but also has risen the competition in the society. It has prove a boon to the society along with making money for the economy. I would like to add another truism here: 'Losing margins is like horse friendships with grass. If the corporations would think about only the welfare of the society then how would it make money and eventually would led to descent of the business.

Thus in a nutshell, I would say though money is important to raise the economy but it should not be considered as the end to itself because as a matter of fact, if society and environment would not be auspicious then it would not be possible for the corporations to attain the summit.

In todaystoday capitalistic society.

It is a company with highest jobwith the highest satisfaction by employees and also does not harm the environment unduly.

Therefore, (add comma) I believe that the ...

how would it make money and eventually would ledlead to descent of the business.

Thus, (did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?) in a nutshell, I would say though money is

your essay is good but there have a little mistake. pay attention with comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb

Hi Sharah

Thank you for your time. I guess I forgot it every time. I will keep in mind the commas in the future for sure.