The moment that human is living plays an important role in life's quality. So there are several reasons to disagree that the more modern human becomes, the easier human live. It will the focus on my essay.
First, cost-living increases rapidly in the modern life than the past. It creates the difficulty for people to pay necessary product. For example, when my mother was young, she could live comfortably with one million dong per month. However, now she has to earn tenfold than she did in the past to pay electric bills, eating, transport and entertainment. Therefore, the modern the life is, the more people have to work hard.
Secondly, modern life not only creates the negative effect in human life but also impacts on other species. The development of science and technology in modern life creates a lot of problems in environment. For example, the growth of machines and factory usually causes the air and water pollution. The plots of forest was been replaced by houses and skyscrapers. Thereby, the number of rare animal declines and some of them become extinct because they lost their habitant. Therefore, the modern is not only makes the human life become harder but also has the same effect on others.
In summary, although some people will claim that the achievement in modern society will help human life become better, I still believe that the disadvantage outweighs the advantage. However, the consciousness of human will decide what their life will be, include becoming better or worse.
1. Last sentence; second paragraph
Therefore, the modern the life is, the more people have to work hard.
I think you should add object after is . Or you may simply say: Therefore, in modern life, people have to work harder.
2. Last sentence; third paragraph
Therefore, the modernis not only makes the human life become harder but also has the same effect on others.
No need to writeis since you use present simple tense. And the existence of become is not necessary.
3. First sentence; last paragraph
I still believe that the disadvantageoutweighs the advantage
I suppose you write more than one so it should be "disadvantagesoutweigh the advantages
Overall, You have exquisite ideas and those ideas are written in a great manner. These few little flaws I mentioned above wouldn't be a serious problems.
hallo Minh Cau. let me show my opinion in correcting this writing.
... plays an important role in life's quality. Sounformal there are several reasons to disagree... It will the focus on my essay.without saying this, your overview has explained that you will disagree with the statemet
it is better if you explain some reasons which agree with it, then you broke them with your strong reason (s) of why should disagree.
warm regard
HI Minh Chau, please allow me to give some suggestions regarding to your essay.
For next post, it will be better if you also state your question, so we can know your task achievement.
The moment that human is living plays an important role in life's quality. ( I cannot catch your exact meaning of this sentence. I have an alternative sentence for you: The era in which human lived plays an important role in their quality of life .). It is important to create a good and strong introduction including paraphrasing and thesis statement. it is better if added the notion that modern life tends to be easier for human and then you put your thesis statement that you are disagree with that.
In this kind of task, discussing both benefits and drawbacks will bring more merits to you. You can give a clear idea to the reader why it is good and reverse. It is also a standard in academic writing to discuss from both sides. Yet, if you have extremely strong arguments for one side and be able to explain it clearly, then there is no way the examiners will down grade your essay.
It seems like your task only discussing about the modern life on "human" living. Yet, you explain about its effect on environment. I am afraid that it will be considered as off-topic. I will suggest you spend some time to brainstorm your idea before write it down.
Here are my advises. I hope it can be useful for your next writing. Keep writing.. :)
Thanks, Maya.
I know it is better to write the essay from both side but my essay is in a TOEFL topic-the essay which encourages students give their own opinion and just choose one side to discuss.
However, I really thank you. I think I will re-brainstorm and write this essay again. ^_^
