The following appeared in a memo from the Mayor of the city to Hillview:
In order to alleviate the serious unemployment problem in our town, we should encourage Autotech to build its automobile manufacturing plant in our area. The Hillview landfill, which has been undeveloped for decades, is a perfect site for this plant. The building and staffing of this plant will put to work thousands of Hillview residents left unemployed after Computech computer software programming company abandoned its national facility last year. I am asking the City Council to authorize a large campaign to attract the company and offer significant tax incentives to make our town attractive to this giant of car manufacturing.
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument
In the memo, the mayor of the city has built an argument based on unsubstantiated claims regarding the supposedly positive future outlook of the city of Hillview once the new Autotech company launches. Not only is his reasoning irrational, but he also fails to recognize the possible negative outcomes of such a plant.
First of all, the mayor presupposes that employees, who were laid off after the liquidation of the Computech company, will easily find jobs within this new automobile manufacturing plant, completely neglecting the fact that both companies are dealing with entirely different fields of technology. The former probably employed those with programming skills, capable of deciphering computer codes and scripts, but the latter will be mainly interested in mechanic engineers to supervise the auto manufacturing process. Even if for some reason those programmers choose to apply for these jobs and are accepted, their skills and talent will be put to ill use and through desuetude, they will gradually forget what they now know so it is by no means a good opportunity for them.
In addition, although the Hillview landfill may be viewed by some as the ideal site for this plant, the company officials may not necessarily agree. Within the entire memo, the mayor failed to point out why the landfill would stand out as an optimal location and only focused on its most conspicuous negative quality, the fact that it has been abandoned for a long time. That can hardly be an advantage since it would only imply that further construction work would be needed, thus more money to be spent.
Furthermore, the mayor fails to recognize the nature of the technological advances that manufacturing plants have witnessed over the years. Many rely on automated machinery, which are programmed to perform the entire process all the way from cutting the sheets of steel until the inner furnishing. Such systems are usually flawless and the final results constantly reproducible, unlike the very nature of human beings, who are liable to err. Therefore, the need for manual workers will be minimal, if any.
Dismissing the probably drawbacks of building an automobile manufacturing plant in the area, the mayor has not considered the long-term effects, most prominently health-related issues resulting from the accompanied inevitable pollution. Being exposed to this plant around-the-clock in the proximity of the townspeople could cause many to suffer from myriad disorders involving the respiratory and circulatory system. They would essentially abandon their jobs due to their constant sick leaves, which would cause the town to end up with an even bigger unemployment issue than it had already started with.
In order to strengthen his argument, the mayor needs to point out the career options available in the company and demonstrate that they would address the needs of those corresponding experts to exploit their educational background and not necessarily limit his scope to those, who recently joined the unemployment market. He also should discuss his reasoning behind the favoring of the Hillview landfill as the launching site and show that the necessary precautions required for maintaining the health and productivity of those individuals will be adhered to.
Could you please rate my essay on a scale of 1 to 6, 1 being the worst? Thanks!
Here is a good place to use a colon:
...and only focused on its most conspicuous negative quality: the fact that...
Therefore, the need for manual workers will be minimal, if any. --- not really correct...
Therefore, the need for manual workers will be minimal, and maybe no workers will needed at all.
Nah!! I think it is better so scratch it:
Therefore, the need for manual workers will be minimal. if any.
I don't know how the rating system works (don't know the criteria), but I think you made a strong argument. If I had to guess, though... 5. I would give you a 6 if the first and last paragraphs were longer and better developed. :-) Revise the first and last paragraphs so that if they were the only thing the reader got to read they would make your point quite well.
