hi , it is my first show in this site.
I need a help with a short essay.
this is the essay :
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Maternity and faternity are the core of the human being. However, motherhood is always featured greater than fatherhood. It has been assumed to differences of culture and conventions. As far as this concerns , responsibilities of each one would clarify issue.
First of all, we all know the basis of being parent. That brings straightway to our mind some duties have to be done with children. Such as, feeding , educating , saving them from danger , providing them with proper emotions , guiding them to let them leading their lives in best path, being by their side until they are reliant. We could say that is the main priorities.
In many developed countries both sexes are even in rights, even though, in jobs. Therefore, they should be equal in choosing to have children. Along with, participating the responsibilities of taking care of them.
It has been argued that a father does not feel the difficulties that a mother has got when she is bearing a child. It is true . thus she obsesses all the love and relationship with them which means she gets her reward of that she does.
In my view, I believe that mother should have more attention but that should not lead to such ignorance for the role of father. If we did so, that would bring us to an uncivil society and one side community.
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many thanks in advance
I don't know if faternity is a word; do you mean paternity?
As far as this question is concerned, some discussion of the responsibilities of each one would clarify issue.
First of all, we all know that the basis of being parent is raising a child. That brings straightaway to our mind some duties have to be done with children.
Every sentence needs a verb, so write:
These include feeding, educating, saving them from danger, providing them with proper emotions, guiding them to let them leading lead their lives in best path, and being by their side until they are reliant. We could say these are the main priorities. (now write something about if fathers and mothers both do these things or if they are done more by one parent than the other.)
In many developed countries both sexes are even in rights, even though, in jobs. I don't know what this sentence means.
In my view, I believe that the mother should be celebrated for the historic, nurturing, maternal role, but that should not lead to ignorance about the significance of the role of father.
hi ,,, thanks for ur reply.
it is (paternity),sorry my mistake
anyway could u evaluate the essay ,, u can say that its crap if u wish ... hahahah
and could u tell me the main weakness that u have seen in this essay ?? grammar,argument,linking ideas >>>
many thanks
It is thoughtful, and your topic sentences do express the meaning of the paragraph as they are supposed to, but your English still needs work. For example:
In many developed countries both sexes are even in rights, even though, in jobs. --- I don't know what you mean here. I think you mean this:
In many developed countries, gender equality exists. Men and women have equal rights at home and also at work.
And here, I am not sure what you mean. I think you mean this:
It is true. Thus she obsesses all the love and relationship with over them, which means she should get recognition for all that she does.
