Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 11


'Living with parents and generation gap' - Topic: iBT writing


mahtabk 1 / 3  
Sep 9, 2012   #1
Topic: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?

Although in my country the young people live with their parents until they get married, I prefer living alone rather than living with parents as soon as possible. Parents are the most precious possessions we have but living in a separate house have several advantages which make people prepared for the future life and the problems a person would confront with.

First, for living alone young adults need to find a job as soon as they can to afford to pay for their lives costs and place. My brother, for example, decided to move to a house and live with one of his friends. His friend asked him to pay for the half of the rent fee. My brother was unemployed on that time and did not take it serious to have a job. My parents did not help him with the house payment. He looked for a job and he found a position in a company as the manager of the production line. So living alone resulted in financial independence of my brother.

Second reason is the generation gap in the today's world. The young adults cannot stand their parents' thoughts and ideas easily. There are always some differences among family members' opinions. When the children grow up, these differences are presented more because of this fact that the young people intend to decide independently and think that their parents' opinions are not spot on. So there are sometimes some challenges between children and parents. When they live far from their parents there would be fewer contacts. We Iranian have a proverb which says "more far from a person you live, more friendships you would have with him/her". The final and the important reason in my opinion, is the preparation for future life. They can learn how to come along with different people and to cope with their problems alone.

In general, living with parents is not a great issue but it would lead to some big challenges for young people and becoming independence have more advantages weighed more disadvantages.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Sep 9, 2012   #2
Although in my country the young people live with their parents until they get married, I prefer living alone rather than living with parents as soon as possibleI can handle things independently. Parents are the most precious possessions we have but living in a separate house have several advantages whichthat preparemake people prepared for the future life and the problems a person would confront withresponsibilities .
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Sep 9, 2012   #3
]their livesliving costs

becomingthe advantages of living independently outweigh the disadvantagesindependence have more advantages weighed more disadvantages .

I think the most important problem of this essay is vocabulary. U should use stronger words in writing. For example in the second paragraph you could use the word "pool"----> "my brother and his friends had to pool their financial resources to handle the living costs"

It would be better to portray a situation, at which young and old people manifest different thoughts. Adding an example help you to clearly convey your idea.
OP mahtabk 1 / 3  
Sep 9, 2012   #4
Thank you so much!
OP mahtabk 1 / 3  
Sep 9, 2012   #5
Mahsa jan, TnX a lot!
I was wondering if u could lead me for an on-line writing checker which revise the essays by vocab replacements. I mean it has a vocab builder in order for I can learn more sophisticated words.
mahsaa 2 / 5  
Sep 11, 2012   #6
Mahtab,
Please give me you email address I'll send u my vocabulary words which is highly helpful for toefl.
GOOD LUCK MAHTAB
OP mahtabk 1 / 3  
Sep 12, 2012   #7
Tnx a lot!
Here is my email: shotor.1987@gmail.com
again thank you for your help.
Shayke_96 6 / 19  
Sep 12, 2012   #8
hey..mahsaa could you please send the words to my email address too...its beckyesan@rocketmail.com.
by the way mahtabk..your essay is good...if one gets through the grammatical errors...so try and work on that okay
=D
mahsaa 2 / 5  
Sep 13, 2012   #9
Sure,
I recommend you to study the last parts, especially integrated writing part
GOOD LUCK
Shayke_96 6 / 19  
Sep 13, 2012   #10
Thank you so much...just saw the email..=D
krishnakant 1 / 4  
Sep 13, 2012   #11
First, for living alone young adults need to ]find a job as soon as they can to afford to pay for their lives costs and place. be financially independent. For example, My brother, decided to move to a house an apartment and live with one of his friends . His friend asked him to pay for the half of the rent fee . My brother was unemployed on at that time and did not take it serious to have a job.


Home / Writing Feedback / 'Living with parents and generation gap' - Topic: iBT writing
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳