Job or social life? Which can effect more on one's happiness? (TOEFL)

Obviously, different people need different paths to achieve happiness. Since people hold different view about how to define happiness. For my part, I believe the theory of happiness definition: You can achieve more happiness when you are doing what you value more. Therefore, I think that if you ask someone the question "Which can bring you more happiness between your job and social life?" the answer depends on what s/he value more.

For some people, they think much of social life. Therefore, colorful social life would like to bring them more happiness then their job. They just consider their job as a mean of ensuring finance security, which is required to support them in order to enjoy colorful social life. For them, happiness means: Not only could they develop their interests, like fishing, skiing, hiking, and traveling, but also they can spend more time with their dear family, or humors friends. My father lives life in this way. He values his social life more than his job. If he is available, he prefer to organize weekend-trip with family rather than take work home, go fishing at Hong Yan Lake alone rather than continue working, and drink in a bar with best friends rather than focus on work. When my father enjoys his rich social life, he always wears shinning smile instead of frown as he working at office. " I prize my social life then my job" he said, "because it help me release my job stress and make me relax , more importantly, it enables me to accompany with my family and friends." Well, "work to live, not live to work", this is my father's belief. For my father, more happiness is concealed in rich color social life then his job.

For another people, they value more job than social life than social life, so the source of happiness primarily stem from career they really love. For example, my friend, Jason, is a rock music composer. When he was in high school, he had told me that he was crazy about rock music, especially new metal rock, and would view it as life time career. Now, he is engaged in rock music job as a composer and devotes much of his energy, time, and attention to this job. Hence, his social life is relatively limited. Every night he has to have a rock band show with best friends in different bars. "My social life is limited, but it also can bring me happiness; because I am doing my idea job, have chance to play my new composed songs in these bars and feel terrific", he said, "If one day I cannot continue my job, cannot compose rock songs, cannot show those songs, I may lose my main source of happiness."

In closing, these two types of people hold different views about what they value more. Thus, those different views lead to different paths to perceive happiness. Job or social life, which has more effect on one's happiness? I believe the answer really depends on what people prize more. After all, everyone has his own taste.

Hey lily2012 overall your essay is well written... The examples are, what can I say, well thought...
But there are a lot of grammar mistakes...
Should I correct them?
Anyway I made the corrections if you need them:


The sentence is kind of awkward. there's something wrong with the highlighted part.




Awkward.



you used the wordWORKtoo much. And I think you should change the wordAVAILABLE ..


I still don't know what you meant.

This is not a complete sentence. You need to combine this with another idea.


Obviously, different people follow different paths to achieve happiness since they perceive happiness differently.


For me, I believe that one can be happy by doing what that person values the most.