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Gre Issue - the visibility of the police force


viviana15077 7 / 21  
Jul 21, 2012   #1
Hi, everyone. Please help me to prune off any unnecessary details. This is my first GRE argument essay:

The following appeared in the City Council Proceedings section of the local newspaper in Smithville:
"The city council of Smithville has instituted changes to police procedures to improve the visibility of the police force. These changes require that the town hire more police officers, budget more funds for police overtime, and direct officers to patrol significantly more often on foot rather than from their cars. These improvements in visibility will significantly lower the crime rate in Smithville and make its citizens feel safer"

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered to decide how likely the stated recommendation is to yield the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Ans:
The argument that improvements in visibility in police force will substantially lower the crime rate in Smithville may seem logical at first glance. The memo makes a valid suggestion, one that would be appropriate if its premises were true. However, the memo's conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence, and city council of Smithville may not be taking other factors, and citizens' opinions into account.

First, the city council of Smithville assumes that hiring more police officers will lower the crime rate and improve citizens' safety. However, the memo never produces evidence to support this assumption. The city council could do something simple and effectual such as researching into the town histories of fighting crimes to see if large numbers of police officers will have an impact on crime rate.

Additionally, Smithville city council should also consider other factors that might lead to increasing numbers of crimes. New police officers could be poorly trained and inexperienced. If so, spending time and money hiring more police officers could actually compound the problem. Here again, research could be a vital ally in this case: What precautions did the neighbouring towns take to reduce their crime rates? How are their police forces trained? How do they prevent crimes from happening? Answers to these questions will help Smithville city council make a wise decision.

The council also assumes that police officers patrolling on foot have a higher chance of reducing crimes than patrolling from their cars, but it does not produce any evidence to support this assumption. How did most crimes in Smithville happen? What means of transportation do most criminals in Smithville use when committing crimes? The memo never says. These are all important questions that have not been answered. If most crimes happen in Smithville are armed robberies and the criminals flee the scene with cars, police officers patrolling on foot might not be able to stop these crimes in time.

As it currently stands, the city council of Smithville makes a decision that appears to have been made in a vacuum. To convince the citizens of Smithville that these improvements are necessary, the memo should provide evidence and show some statistics that these changes in police force, will, in fact, help to lower the crime rate in Smithville.
Benedict01 1 / 5  
Jul 21, 2012   #2
Hi Vivian,

Very nice GRE essay!

Comments:

1. Used many and's: However, the memo's conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence, and city council of Smithville may not be taking other factors, and citizens' opinions into account.

2. Please improve the last sentence: You may re-write: To be able to convince...
and the word "will" can be changed as using some statistics is historical (thus, happened in the past)
To convince the citizens of Smithville that these improvements are necessary, the memo should provide evidence and show some statistics that these changes in police force, will, in fact, help to lower the crime rate in Smithville.

thanks!

Goodluck!

If you need further help, you can search for a1papers

thanks and wish you the best!
OP viviana15077 7 / 21  
Jul 28, 2012   #3
Thank you so much Benedict Webber. You are a great help.


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