TOEFL: If you could invent sth new, what product would you develop?

If you could invent sth new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed.

Many companies nowadys poster million dollar rewards for alternative effective energy sources. however i will resist the temptation because mine device in the long term will dissolve this issue. I am talking about the chi or consciouness or spirit gatherer 2008.

The purpose of it is twofold: eliminate the ego and bring awareness to this world. Ego is the false self created by our past memories and future expectations. A person who complains all the time is simply attaching to this false pattern of complaining behaviour. As a result this person will find refuge to the fullfillment of imaginary revenge for the someone or sth that caused this complain. This proccess applies from a simple quarrel to intricate wars.

When those people implied in this situations realize the futility of this behaviour; once they become aware of it then they are aware of their individual ego (false self ). All people in the face of danger become aware simply because the mind "knows" that it doesn't afford us to be unconscious; to be egoic

My device hits at the heart of this problem. This invention will read the human thought while recording our everyday expressions. At the end of the day the analytical statement will inform us of the content of this thoughts and expressions and what particular stimulus ( environmental or internal) caused this rensponses.

The interestring part is that some thoughts will be founded many time in this catalogue. If they are negative than bingo! We achieved to track down the egoic thoughts. Now we must prove that they are useless this is the most important part. So next time we wont be that thought but we will be aware of their form (i.e. words images emotions) and release them . The same stands for our expressions such as our gestures, discussions and work perfomance.

This presence will bring beauty and sirenity in ourlives. All this energy we spended on arguing and fighting for no reason will be used for creating and helping each other. The world of Jon Lenon will be a reality.

You have chosen an interesting and imaginative invention to use as the focus of your essay. However, you need to clarity your explanation a bit for the essay to be truly effective. You should also revise throughout for diction.

For instance, you wrote: "Many companies nowadys poster million dollar rewards for alternative effective energy sources. however i will resist the temptation because mine device in the long term will dissolve this issue." First, the correct word here is "resolve" rather than "dissolve." Second, nothing in your essay supports the conclusion that your invention will resolve the need for alternative fuel sources. In fact, you don't mention alternative fuel sources again in the entire essay.

"find refuge to" should be "find refuge in."

"imaginary." That's the wrong word here. The person will presumably seek actual revenge for imaginary wrongs. Specifically, he or she will presumably seek revenge for wrongs that are rooted in the gap between the way things are and the way the person incorrectly imagines them to be.

"afford" isn't the right word here. You can either go with "we can't afford to be unconscious" or "it doesn't benefit us to be unconscious."

After this point, your essay consists of a very general description of what your device will do. I would rewrite the second half to consist of more specific examples of how it would work. So, instead of talking about emotions, talk about anger, hate, love, or some specific emotion. Instead of talking only about external or internal stimuli, give examples of specific stimuli, and so on.

however i will resist the temptation because mine MY device in the long term will dissolve this issue WILL RESOLVE THE ISSUE IN HE LONG RUN.

overall , the essay is confusing and language is a bit out of the line.

best of luck!