Hi everyone. This is my introductory paragraph for an essay titled 'Causes of HIV in Children'. Please read and correct the mistakes I made?
Thanks a lot for your time and insight
The word HIV, or Human Immunodeficiency Virus, is negatively associated with sexual promiscuity, drug addiction, and even homosexuality. HIV infects not only adults but children as well. According to the report from Joint United Nations Program on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS), the number of children infected with HIV worldwide went up from 2,5 million in 2010 to 3,2 million in the end of 2013. Mathematically, this means about 700 new infections occurring everyday. This is such a disheartening fact considering how children with HIV will not have only their physical state vulnerable because to some extent the virus annihilate their immune system. In addition, they will also have their mental state disturbed since they are regarded to be in lower class in society so early in their development. As a consequence, they find it difficult to succeed later in life. Children under 15 can become HIV-positive through four ways: MTCT, IV drug injection, blood transfusion, and quite shockingly, sexual transmission.
As the name suggests, MTCT or Mother-to-Child Transmission is the spread of HIV from HIV-positive mothers to their children during period of gestation, childbirth, and breastfeeding. During gestation, especially in the third trimester, fetus may be infected through placenta, the main function of which is supplying them with bloods containing oxygen and nutrients. Consequently, HIV in the blood may cross the placenta and infect the fetus. The higher the viral load in mother's blood, the greater the fetus has a chance of acquiring HIV. Transmission can also occur during intrapartum or childbirth as infant is exposed to the blood and mucus from genital secretions which are abundant in the birth canal. Moreover, the coexistence of HIV reservoir in breast milk enable transmission to occur during breastfeeding. Nipple may also bleed and further provide a passage for HIV to infect the infant. MTCT is the major cause of HIV in children. Also known as perinatal transmission and vertical transmission, combination of antiretroviral (ARV) therapy and zidovudine (ZDV) as well as elective cesarean section procedure can reduce the possibility of MTCT from 45% to a mere 2%.
The second way of transmission is practice of drug injection using needle shared with one another. This is because when someone uses needle already used by PLWHA (People Living With HIV/AIDS), he/she will be infected by the virus remained in the needle. A study conducted in Ukraine shows that the prevalency of needle sharing in children starts at the age of 10 years old. These children usually lack attention and supervision from parents and/or society, for example orphans, street kids, and drop-out students. Since they started young, they bring this habit as they grow up. This is statistically proved by a survey conducted by UNAIDS Inter-Agency Task Team on HIV and Young People, which shows that at least half drug users under 25 in urban areas have started injecting when they were still children. Moreover, children are often marginalised in society, which makes it difficult for them to access harm reduction services or even be reached out by healthcare workers. Therefore, society and government need to take good care of these children by helping them before they fall to the addiction of drug injection and started sharing needle.
In addition, HIV can also be transmitted to children via blood transfusion. First, the blood itself may not be screened before transfusion, making it possible for people with HIV who does not know his/her condition to be a blood donor. This is caused by lack of adequate blood safety procedures, which is a classic case in developing countries. Moreover, unsterile medical setting in pediatric care centers increase the rate of transmission as well. A 2012 report showed that 270 children in Kyrgyzstan have been infected with HIV over the past decades due do doctors not following universal precaution while doing medical procedures. In fact, a health worker in a developing country admitted not to use kerosene to sterilize equipment used to vaccinate and transfuse blood to children due to limited supply they have. Since children along with woman is the main group of patients receiving blood transfusion, they are particularly vulnerable to this type of transmission. To prevent this from happening, pediatric hospitals and related institutions providing blood transfusion service needs to be thorough and meticulous before injecting transfusion's needle to an innocent kid's vein.
Lastly, children can acquire HIV through sexual transmission which may happen because of child rape and child marriage. A child rape involves male offender and female infant whose age mostly ranging from 5 months up to two years. In South Africa, around 60 cases of children rape are reported, but the actual number is extrapolated to be higher since South African Police Service stated that only one in thirty-five cases are reported. This high incidences of child rape intersects with the HIV epidemic in South Africa, one out of nine citizens of which are infected. Another way children can get HIV is child marriage in which young girls usually fall victim. Despite numerous cautions from experts in the field of reproductive health that having vaginal sex before completing maturity risk harming genital tract, it is still legal in 52 countries. Beside, an early sexual début is associated with older partners, who are more sexually experienced and therefore have greater risk of carrying sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV. It is therefore crucial that clinician be aware of the risk for HIV transmission among children who have been raped and/or married, and that government issue a stricter protocol to protect children's safety and rights.
The increasing number and various causes of HIV in children should be our concern, because as a vulnerable group, children need people who are willing and able to fight for them. Fight for their right to the healthy life and social acceptance they deserve. And we do not need to be a WHO ambassador or a member of Parliament to change their life. Helping these children, whose live has been devastated by the cruelty of HIV, is something everybody can do. As Pierce Brosnan from UNICEF said, "They (children with HIV) are missing you. Everyone can make a real difference. Your voice is needed in a global movement that can change their world."
Tamara, be sure to use the word "worldwide" when quoting facts and figures. Since you did not mention a country in particular as being the source of this information, I am deducing that you mean international figures, specially with the mention of the United Nations. However, for the benefit of those who may not be familiar with such terms, you should always be sure to indicate whether the figures are international or not in nature.
As an overview of the potential research information contained for discussion in your essay, this introduction works very well. You have mentioned enough facts and figures to keep the reader interested in finding out what you have to say in the rest of your essay. Be sure to indicate that further information and discussions will be reflected in later paragraphs. Right now, the essay seems like it going to try and discuss all of the relevant information in only one paragraph. Be sure to represent your discussion well in the introduction so that your essay discussion will have a semblance of order for the reader after you have written it.
In relation to the grammar errors, please note that the information you are using comes from previous years (2013) which means that you must use the past tense when discussing the information. Please go back to your essay and revise the tense usage so that your essay will become grammatically correct in that aspect.
Tamara, "indicate" means to let people know, to inform them about certain things by pointing out the details of information. So when I say indicate that it is worldwide, that means to tell the reader that the figures cover evidence coming from international sources and figures. I like your idea and approach to your essay. It is a good way to write it and it will be easy for the reader to follow the flow of discussion. The revised introductory paragraph is well written even with the existing grammatical errors. I hope to read the finished draft in the future so that I can help you clean up the grammatical errors that are sure to arise as you draft the essay :-) Good luck with your research !
