GRE - Impossible to make a significant contribution without strongly influenced by past achievements

Hi all,

Please help to give feedback on my essay writing. The conclusion may sound off track because I was running out of time. Thank you in advance!

The prompt and instructions are as follows:
In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Here is it:
It is unarguably true that every single achievement should be recognized for contribution to progresses within its field, especially ones that set the very first bricks on the field. Nevertheless, past successes play the grounding and incentive role to endeavor further successes as we attempt to breakthrough another limit. A closer examination into science, economy and sports - fundamental fields in our daily life - confirm that significant contributions within each field often are built upon precedent achievements.

The most convincing illustrations undoubtedly come from developments in science. Inventions and new discoveries are born every day, majorly from scientists ruminating on previous ideas or frameworks. It would have been impossible for Einstein to come up with his renowned relativity theory without serious understandings of physics theories proposed by Newton. Would Steve Jobs be able to enhance human's experience with electronic devices without the first creation of desktop? Obviously, Newtonian physics and the human's original computer are undeniably huge achievements. As a result, these examples implicitly articulate an axiom in scientific progression: radical findings always start from past discoveries.

Certainly, it would be unfair not to mention orthodox and successive workings that pave roads for further achievements in every field. In early twentieth century, financial guru Benjamin Graham proposed the concept of value investing, which unprecedentedly changed the ways market participants approach investments. Consequently, the world recognized famous investors like Warrant Buffet or George Soros, who applied Graham's frameworks to advance further investment strategies that are highly appreciated by scholars and practitioners. However, Graham's ideas were partially engendered by a fact that the markets were chaotic at that time as the 1930s Great Depression gloomed, causing panic and imprudence amongst investors. The point is that a failure can be considered a success that makes us realize what our shortcomings are. Ultimately, it could be said that Graham actually built his work based on the successive findings of market failure and flaws.

Finally, past achievements are always motivation for followers to explore and conquer new things. This is unambiguously seen in sports, as the world recognizes new records set by competitive players. Interestingly, the new record creates new threshold for future players to train and compete in order to break it. That is how successes follow successes in sports to prove that human's limits may be unlimited. That also re-emphasizes my assertion that past achievements influence future successes.

In conclusion, remarkable achievements in every field of our life contain traces from previous workings or findings. Although great contributions are highly recognized and encouraged, it is undeniable that past successes, in any form of interpretation, set grounds for these progresses. Evidences represented in this essay can be used to support and strengthen the statement.

Regards,
D.

- Every single achievement...recognized for its to progress...ones that set the foundation of the field


- Past success play an important role in the development of a person in his chosen field.


- mostly from scientists who are further developing previous...


- without a serious


- This question is unnecessary as a more important foundation was established earlier.



- This example implicitly articulates


- It ...


-that paved ...


- market participants approached


- This led world famous...to apply Grahams...


- Grahams ideas were endangered by the Great Depression of the 1930's which caused panic among investors.


- ... past achievements always motivate


- This is seen in the world of sports,


- creates a new...




- Remarkable achievements...

The points of discussion that you used were right on track to respond to the prompts. Your examples are so effective and helps to explain your point of view in a solid manner. I hope you don't mind my revising some sentences and pointing out your grammar problems in the essay. I thought it would show you how the essay could flow better as well. Keep practicing. This essay of yours shows your potential to become even better at writing future essays :-)

Hi vangiespen,

Thank you so much for all corrections! I am writing this essay again based on your suggestions. Hope to get more feedback from you on my future essays.

Regards,
D.