People through the history have always tried to make their condition of living the best and it was one of the issues which they are now consider, too. In fact it is related to the same sense of all human kind which can be stated as the willing to reach the best. Obviously, this desire of change can be about everything that is so important for people such as the place in which they live or their hometown. Personally, if I want to declare something that I really hope to be changed in my hometown, it will be about developing the culture of keeping our hometown clean. I think this is a terrible issue, and should be solved as soon as possible because of the following reasons.
Firstly, as we all know, the rubbish is not only harmful for we people but also for our environment. If we throw out our waste wherever we want, we are actually going to destroy our hometown completely. This really brings disadvantages such as the health problems, illnesses, air and water pollution and so on. As time passes, more and more garbage is entering our environment and we don't have much time to find a practical solution.
Another important reason that shows this problem is required to be dealt with is about the landscape of our hometown. From a long time ago, we have been famous all around the world because of our hometown's wonderful landscape. Unfortunately, nobody cares about the area in which he/she lives and as a result we are destroying our beautiful landscape completely. On the other hand, our economics directly depend on the tourists who come every year near our hometown. Therefore, all of us should allocate the specific time to find the best and fastest way to handle this obstacle immediately.
Last but not least, is about what we are teaching to our next generation by making our hometown so dirty. They probably learn this unpleasant culture from us and pass it to their children. All of us are responsible for keeping our hometown clean. We should put strict rules and punish anybody who doesn't obey these rules.
In conclusion, I think that all of us should pay attention more than before to find an effective plan in order to help solve this problem. In this way we can develop our economics along with not polluting our environment and something very valuable is what will remain for our children.
The topic chosen for change is very good :) .
But i think in the second paragraph the ideas could have been put in a more formatted way. The points covered are nice but if you could work more on writing style, i think you would definitely get a score. All the best
Ok.... First, I have a few admin requests for you - Include the purpose of writing (e.g. TOEFL, IELTS) in the title so that others can provide you with more meaningful feedbacks. Second, you should open threads in the most appropriate forum and this one should have been opened in the Writing Feedback forum. I had to move this to Writing Feedback.from Graduate Essays.
Personally, if I want to declare something that I really hope to be changed in my hometown, it will be about developing the culture of keeping our hometown clean.
You have unnecessarily made this sentence complicated. It is such a simple idea and you should have presented it in a more simple and interesting manner. Showing your knowledge on vocabulary is good, but clarity of your sentences and ideas matter more.
Personally, if I am to change something in my hometown, it will be keeping our city clean.