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History shows us how forgetful human beings are


rkandil 2 / 5 1  
Nov 7, 2012   #1
Preparing for the GRE exam.

Humans are very forgetful. Our great ancestors were once hunters and gatherers. They bore a huge resemblance to animals. They fought the same way animals would for food. Their ultimate dream was to make it through another day. Most great civilizations were born around rivers. The writings of Aristotle and Plato support this. As Herodotus said "Egypt is the gift of the Nile". The Nile used to flood every year producing silt rather than salt. The Nile producing salt in other regions destroyed civilizations. After Egyptians gained the means of subsistence and after they have stopped thinking about food, they started developing administrative and judicial systems and even producing arts and writings. This has produced the most stable of all civilizations that extended over thousands of years when other soils eroded because their rivers didn't flood. Then Nasser came and he build a dam that destroyed the Niles capability of regenerating soil and all Egyptians sang for him even though he didn't base his actions on a scientific basis. He had farmers lean on chemical fertilizers for the first time and destroyed Egyptian lands that has sustained the Egyptian civilization for thousands of years. But then media creates a fantasy that people live. Egyptian farmers were 80% of it's civilization and they are the once who the so-called "gods" depended on to live a luxurious life. But then, we never appreciate these farmers today and we call them names and we treat them with disrespect. When we go to the supermarket, we do not want to think that the nicely packaged chicken in our hands is the result of some farmer's sweat because it wouldn't appear tasteful then. This is us human beings, we are forgetful. We think of music, movie theaters, have the luxury to get bored, and also have the luxury to commit suicide and end our lives. This is not only our life; this is the hard effort that extended over thousands of years by our ancestors fighting so hard to get us to see. This is life; try to appreciate it and try to show it respect. The world extended for 4.5 billion years when human existence extended only for thousands of years; yet we have the luxury to feel so haughty.
priya9991 2 / 4 1  
Nov 7, 2012   #2
good work but it need to concentrate more on introduction part
neehar 1 / 4 2  
Nov 7, 2012   #3
Hi,

Everything was fine. Intro could have been much better. There were few grammatical erros like "Then Nasser came and he build a dam" instead of "Then Nasser came and he built a dam", Egyptian farmers were 80% of it's civilization and they are the once who the so-called "gods" depended on to live a luxurious life. instead of "they were once who the" two times the doesnot sound good.we call them names instead of we call them by their names and treat them with disrespect. no need of we twice (Check this once.I might be incorrect in interpreting your idea). When we go to supermarkets sounds going to many supermarkets where as you wrote when we go to the supermarket which sounds specific or else you can write when we go to any supermartket.

Completion was very good and you did put your ideas very well. Please give introduction little more importance which gives an idea of your entire passage.

Anyways all the best for your GRE. I might be incorrect in inferring some of your ideas. Feel free to correct me if i made any mistakes.

Regards,
Neehar.
jincera1 2 / 11 3  
Nov 7, 2012   #4
More focus on introduction and ancestors would be applicable and more appeasing.


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