I think having jobs while in high school is a good idea. Teenagers start to learn how they earn their living, be in the social life and they start their career in their early ages. These benefits help teenagers to be a responsible people to the society.
I provided my comments about this paragraph in another essay of yours. You need to follow the recommended structure for this task. It is this four para structure;
Introduction - introduce your topic + state your opinion
Body para1; Tell the first reason for your opinion. Then support it with one specific example
Body para 2; 2nd reason+example
ConclusionIt takes all the responsibility of the all country alone.
.... this is pretty confusing and has some grammar issues too... You better re-phrase this line
it takes/ they take