The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Technology can change everything. It is believed that electronic media such as mobile phone or laptop bring several disadvantages on personal relationships between humans. I strongly agree with this statement because such media may affect the users to become addicted and more individual.
To begin, convenient electronic media leads people to carry them everywhere because people cannot control themselves to not checking their gadget even in the morning when they wake up, the first thing that they do is checking their mobile phone. Such behavior causes them to be gadget addict and break their relationships with other people. To illustrate, it can be seen nowadays many couples who eat together in the restaurant do not speak each other a lot because they only focus on their mobile phone. As a consequence, their quality of relationship will decrease and make them more individual.
On the other hand, such media also have positive effect on helping people to communicate with their relatives or their friends who live far from their city. A student who studies abroad definitely needs laptop or mobile phone to keep contact with his or her family. They use applications such as facebook or skype on their gadget to have chat or video call each other.
To sum up, I personally believe that the use of electronic media causes the users to be more addicted and act individually but it also can be very useful if people use it in appropriate way. It is better if the users can use it with a balance proportion between real life and virtual life.
... several disadvantages on personal relationships between humans with the others in society's live.
On the other hand, such mediaelectronic devices also have positive (...) with their relatives or their friends (redundancy if you put their twice) who live ...
On the other hand, such media also have A positive effect on helping
A student who studies abroad definitely needs A laptop
useful if people use it in AN appropriate way
Hi Putri22, let me comment your essay
Technology can change everything. It is believed that electronic media such as mobile phone or laptop bring several disadvantages on personal relationships between humans . I strongly agree with this statement because such media may affect the users to become addicted and more individual.
To begin, convenient electronic media leads people to carry them everywhere because people cannot control themselves to not checking their gadget even in the morning when they wake up, the first thing that they do is checking their mobile phone. Such behavior causes them to be gadget addict and break their relationships with other people. To illustrate, it can be seen nowadays many couples who eat together in the restaurant do not speak each other a lot because they only focus on their mobile phone. As a consequence, their quality of relationship will decrease and make them more individual.
On the other hand, such media also havehas positive effect onfor helping people to communicate with their relatives or their friends who live far from their city. A student who studies abroad definitely needs laptop or mobile phone to keep contact with his or her family. They use applications such as facebook or skype on their gadget to have chat or video call each other.
You need to enlarge your idea
you should focus on the question, your explanation is far from the topic
On the other hand (However), such media also have positive effect on helping people to communicate with their relatives or their friends who live far from their city. (for instance), A student who studies abroad definitely needs laptop or mobile phone to keep contact (to keep in touch) with his or her family. They use applications such as facebook or skype on their gadget to have chat or video call each other.
Hi Putri, let me give you some correction :)
Since you argue that technologies give more disadvantages, it will be better if you put your argument in the second paragraph to refute the other opinion which state about the positive effect.
...themselves to not checkingCHECK their gadget even in the morning when they wake up, the first thingACTIVITY that they... (Your first sentence is too long and has many commas, it is better if you divided into two sentences)
because people cannot control themselves to not checking their gadget even in the morning when they wake up, the first thing that they do is checking their mobile phone (its repetitive).
it can be seen THAT nowadays, (PUT COMMA HERE) many couples
'To sum up, I personally believe that the use of electronic media causes the users ...'
since the task is agree or disagree,you should put your statement clearly, in what extent do you stand. your conclusion does not specifically describe your agreement actually, it seems that you are standing in both negative and positive side of technology.
