It is obvious that modern technology plays an indispensable role in this modern times of life and Facebook, which is widely used, is one of the most common ones. Besides its advantages such as providing worldwide information, enabling us to keep in touch with faraway relatives or old friends, ... people, especially teenagers should avoid disadvantages that Facebook brings. Firstly, a young man can easily be addicted to Facebook then he will neglect his work as he wastes time surfing Facebook. Consequently, his routine life will also be badly influenced. On the other hand, numerous users take unfair advantage of privacy and freedom on this network to spread bad news or fake profiles and ID and so on, which can destroy people's knowledge and characters, as a result, they, particularly who are too young to use Facebook moderately, may get into social evils. Moreover, sitting in front of a computer hourly is really harmful to your health, causes illness and poor eyesight, which may leave you behind on all fields of life, your study, your job, your knowledge,... It is undeniable that using Facebook gives you abundant help, but you had better use it scientifically.To conclude, I would like to advise you to watch out while using Facebook.
Hi Reece
It is obvious(never start the essay with obvious; rather state that It is known/Today technology has occupied...) that modern technology plays an indispensable role in this modern times oftoday's life and Facebook, which is widely used, is one of the most common onesonline networking service .
Break your response in paragraphs . Mention some advantages in one paragraph , then start with disadvantages in further paragraph.
Hi Reece, I would like to call your attention to the way that you have structured your sentences. You have not properly used, the commas, ellipses, and periods in the essay. More disturbingly, you have also failed to properly format your essay for paragraph formatting and capitalization usage. I will not be addressing those necessary corrections at the moment because the most distressing problem of your essay is that it does not really live up to its title.
I am not sure what you meant by using Facebook scientifically. I do not see any reference in the essay to a scientific usage. The ills that you have explained in the essay are already known side effects of Facebook addiction. When you say that people need to use Facebook in a scientific manner, you should explain what you mean and offer examples to illustrate your data. Do not use a term in the title that you cannot explain fully within the essay. Either you change the title of your essay or you revise the content to better reflect the "scientific" word in the title.
You have also spent way too much time presenting the adverse effects of Facebook use. You seem to have forgotten that not everything about Facebook is bad. Try to balance the discussion between the positive and the negative aspects of Facebook use. You have mentioned 2 positive uses of Facebook. But those are the shallow reasons. You could have opted to discuss how FB has helped reshaped the way that the world receives the news, gave rise to citizen journalism, etc. Presenting the more important positive aspects of FB use will help you better balance the discussion.
Another thing you have to do is make sure to divide the essay into paragraphs. It will help you to better focus your discussion in the essay and allow you to see the mistakes or lack of developed ideas on specific paragraph topics. Try doing it to this essay and you will see that you have more than enough room to improve your discussion and offer a more solid opinion about the need to be careful when using Facebook.
