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In contemporary society, obesity has become a modern epidemic


kay25 1 / 1 1  
Jan 25, 2016   #1
In contemporary society, obesity has become a modern epidemic and people's health and strength levels are deteriorating. I will explore the primary culprits of this legitimate concern and reasonable measures to mitigate it.

The major cause of obesity is the unhealthy eating habit. A growing number of people have chosen to frequent fast food outlets, where food(is food only singular?)and drink served contain significant levels of saturated fat, sugar, salt and have minimal nutritional value, such as fried chicken, chips and coke. As fast food has gradually developed into a staple diet in many countries, the number of obese people has grown rapidly. A possible solution to this problem would be to promote healthy eating habits. Cooking programs that teach various recipes and introduce the benefits of a range of ingredients encourage people to choose healthy meals.

Moreover, people who suffer from obesity are more likely to contract some diseases than normal-weight people, however, it is noted that the levels of health and fitness are reducing, and the frequent use of technology could be the reason for this phenomenon. Because people tend to spend less time on physical activities than before. For instance, most younger generations now regularly facebook after dinner with their computers or smart phones rather than going for a walk. One way to tackle this problem could be encouraging people to join the gyms where good facilitates and trainers are available. It can be an effective way to motivate people to exercise regularly and meanwhile they can connect to the socia media.

In conclusion, inappropriate eating habit and the lack of exercise result in people's poor health and obesity. Only if people choose to ingest healthy food and spend more time on physical activities, will they stay fit and strong.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 25, 2016   #2
Kay, your opening statement does not feel complete. It seems that you do not truly offer a complete overview of the topics that will be discussed within the essay. Keep in mind that the opening statement allows you to create a pattern for the discussion that the reader will be using as a guide when it comes to reading your essay. So you should present the general topics that you will be referring to and a shortlist of the preventive measures that you will be suggesting.

In answer to your question, the plural form of food is foods. So it will be proper for you to say foods in reference to the number of food consumed by a person. When you discuss this, make sure to mention figures that will support your claim that the popularity of fast food also resulted in an increase in the weight of a given population. Use a more proper transition sentence in that paragraph. Do not begin the discussion of the possible solutions to the problem in that paragraph. Transition it into the next paragraph.

The following lines can actually be developed into another solid supporting discussion for your preventive measures: A possible solution to this problem would be to promote healthy eating habits. Cooking programs that teach various recipes and introduce the benefits of a range of ingredients encourage people to choose healthy meals. Develop this discussion a bit further by offering examples and proof that these suggestions actually work.

The rest of the essay actually works in support of your discussion. However, your conclusion needs to be worked on. It is really short and does not properly summarize your discussion as you need it to be reflected in that paragraph. All you have to do in that paragraph is repeat the reasons that obesity occurs, the preventive measures that can be taken, and your opinion as to why it is imperative that these measures be implemented as soon as possible.
OP kay25 1 / 1 1  
Jan 26, 2016   #3
This is my first time to post writing on the website and unexpectedly got a valuable feedback. I am really appreciate your work! Thank you !!!

Later on I will definitely rewrite the opening statement and the other parts as you mentioned!


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