MuhammadImho 17 / 12 7 Jun 4, 2015 #1Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operative rather than compete become more useful adults.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.Nowadays, life is becoming more and more competitive. Some people argue that children have to be taught a sense of competition in that it leads them to be more ready facing their future and motivates them to increase their achievement in the school. However, others believe that cooperative learning is more essential than competition method since people are becoming more individualistic than before.Several people might say that competition brings children to be more prepare for facing their future. For example, they will compete with other people for taking a job or attending university when they adult. As a result, children should be more familiar with the sense of competition.In addition, competition in the school encourages children for improving their achievement. Result shows that by the implementation of curriculum based competition in Indonesia, there are improvement of students achievement. It thus clear that competition is important.However, how to be cooperative with other people is the necessary of people as human being in this modern era. As such, it is not uncommon when people prefer to think themselves instead of the social needs, Statistics describe people are becoming more apathetic and individualistic in many countries especially in developed country. They are unlikely to think other people as a result of competition atmosphere that leads them just think about their selves. There is no doubt how to be good member in society and cooperative with other people is more essential to be taught for children.The aforementioned evidence shows that even though competition encourages children to be more prepare for their future and improving their achievement, cooperative learning is more necessary for children. I personally believe that children have to be taught how to live in the society.
ChristineB - / 108 55 Jun 4, 2015 #2Hello. I am going to help you with your word choice and grammar in the first paragraph:Nowadays, life is becoming more and more competitive.I think a better way to express your thought is this:Life has become increasingly competitive in recent years.Some people argue that children have to be taught a sense of competition in that it leads them to be more ready facing their future and motivates them to increase their achievement in the school.Let me rephrase this to make it clearer:Some people argue that children need to be taught to have a competitive spirit in order to excel both in school and their future careers.However, others believe that cooperative learning is more essential than competition method since people are becoming more individualistic than before.It's usually advisable not to start sentences with "However." Here's another way to say what you want to say:Others believe that children benefit from learning how to cooperate, however.I do not understanding what you want to say here about being individualistic...Are you saying that being individualistic is important in being successful, and that cooperation fosters individualism? I think it needs to be rephrased - the message is confusing.I hope that has helped you a little.
ChristineB - / 108 55 Jun 5, 2015 #3Hello. I'm back to work on a few more parts of your essay:Several people might say that competition brings children to be more prepare for facing their future. For example, they will compete with other people for taking a job or attending university when they adult. As a result, children should be more familiar with the sense of competition.Let me rephrase this in a way that it isn't just a re-stating of your first paragraph:Those who believe that children should learn to be competitive point out that, in the adult world, adults must compete with other job seekers for the best jobs. Getting into a good university also requires competing with student applicants. Their point of view is that competition is necessary for success, so it is wise to teach it early in life.In addition, competition in the school encourages children for improving their achievement. Result shows that by the implementation of curriculum based competition in Indonesia, there are improvement of students achievement. It thus clear that competition is important.I think this sentence should be included in the above paragraph, before the last sentence. This paragraph is meant to explain the point of view that teaching children how to compete is important, so it should include all sentences reflecting that. Here's another way to write it that might flow better:A sense of competition in the classroom can often encourage students to work harder and perform better than they would have without it.If you want to include the statement about the results in Indonesia (which I think you should, if you can really back up that statement), you're going to need to include a citation.There's a little more assistance for you. I really like the topic of your essay, by the way - it's thought-provoking.
alif 12 / 13 2 Jun 7, 2015 #4hi muhammad, you essay is excellent. but i have suggestion for your introduction.Nowadays, life is becoming more and more competitive i think you would change with perfect continuous. Some people argue that children (...) .you need to explain your idea more.Make real reason to improve your writing.thakyou
