Competition will alter the survive skills, which are absolutely important in human life. IELTS

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give own opinion.

A growing number of people believe that competition among children should be inspired with confidence, whereas the other think that developing their team work is more important. This essay will discuss both points of view.

Competition will alter the survive skills, which are absolutely important in human life. Therefore this activity should be encourage in early age. When children contests each other in a good way, they will find various methods to reach their target. For example, when children knows their friends able to finish their task agile, they will being motivates and could finds another way to get done their assignments. As a result, they will discover the pure creativity and the art of making decision.

On the other hand, there is no doubt that collaboration is the most society needed to face the future problems. Therefore, to teach children to co-operate with their friends, is an essential lesson. With team work activity, children will grasp to build relationship in different personality that can be showed when they help their mate adaptation. In addition, the synergy among them will create a good atmosphere to understands many diverse obstacles in their class, and it is valuable for their future. Children will grow up and get divergent jobs. With collaborating experienced that they got in early age, they will overtake this situation calmly.

To sum up, although some people believe that children will grow better when they survive in any contest, I would argue that taught children in early age about collaboration with their study group far more crucial due to what they will endure in the future. However, a good curriculum must be prepared to improve it.

1st paragraph
... their team work is more important. This essay will discuss both points of view(not necessary) .

2nd paragraph
... Therefore, this activity should be encouraged in early age.
For example, when children knows their friends able to ...

3rd paragraph
... create a good atmosphere to understands many diverse obstacles ...

Suggestion:
- Your usage of transitional phrases and sophisticated words are well.

Hi Pey, I see that your introductory paragraph did not have any stance. Clear stance in the beginning is important, according to IELTS writing band descriptors, if you want a 7 score, you should "Presents a clear position throughout the response". Unfortunately, I only see that in your conclusion, which also unclear, because you wrote a comparison sentence like this:


You did not compare the subjects clearly, let me give you an example "I would argue that teaching children in early age about collaboration with their study group is far more crucial than teaching them to be competitive due to what they will endure in the future."

It is unfortunate that your last sentence also cause a problem because unconsciously you mentioned about "a good curriculum" in which makes the reader questioning your essay, what kind of "good curriculum" that you are going to use?

Overall, nice try mate, please do give more concern about your grammar. Use Microsoft Word to help you practice, it has grammar and spelling correction feature.

Hope you will make a better one after this, 7 more essays right? :D

Good Luck!