Hi! I wrote essay for Toefl exam, can you review it please! thank you!
Compare and contrast the advantages of city living and country living. Defend your preference
Nowadays majority of people prefer living in a city. Also this is the well known fact that there are more people in cities than in countries. However, both city living and country living have their benefits.
Those who like living in the city believe that it has a large number of advantages. First, the big offer of the options for spending free time. For instance people can visit various museums, cinemas, and libraries. Second, there are a lot of working places in the city. The biggest companies are located in the cities. Therefore, it is easier for people to find suitable job in a city. Also, people have more variants in choosing career. Third, you can buy whatever you need if you live in a city. In opposite, persons who live in a country , don't have wide choice of shops. Also people are able to use different kinds of services. For example a laundry, a car wash, a beauty salon. In the contrast, there is no any variety of services in a village.
Other people, who live in countries, argue that there are more advantages of living in villages than in cities. First, it is easy to get from one place to another. Because the distances in countries are not as long as in towns. As a result, the commuting to the work is not a problem. Second, people, living in a village, feel themselves in safety. The crime rate in a country is lower than in a city. Third, people, living in a village are more friendly. For example, my cousin lives in a small village for three years. She claims that she has a lot of friends there. Therefore she doesn't consider about moving to the city.
In conclusion, personally, I experienced both living in the small country, where I was born, and living in the big city, where I live now. In my opinion, life in a country is quite and slowly. Therefore, it is more suitable for children and old people. I prefer living in a big city, where I can have a large number of opportunities.
In opposite, persons who live in a country, don't do not have wide choice of shops.
"Do not" "cannot" are better than "don't" "can't", because they are more formal.
Other people, who live in countries, argue that ...
Ummm...It's not a big deal, but I think some people in countries wants to move to big cities, too. So it seems that it lacks accuracy. You may use this sentence instead, "Other people, who prefer the countries..."
In conclusion, personally...
Where is your conclusion? As you stated about the advantages and disadvantages for living in counties and large cities, your conclusion should be something like "In conclusion, whether you live in small countries or large cities, there are merits and drawbacks." Your personal experience cannot conclude what you demonstrated above. It just let people feel irrelevant.
life in a country is quite quiet and slowly
There are no big problems in your essay. Just pay attention to these small points.
