Change one thing about education in VietNam

hello everyone, my writing is not good,so I need your help. It's an essay I've completed. It's very kind of you to revise it.Thank you so much.

If you could change one thing about education in Viet Nam, what would you change?

Education is the root of development of every country all over the world and VietNam is not an exception. It's one of the most important steps that takes a country to a better level. Stepping into the 21st century, Vietnamese educational system is still weak in quality,unbalanced in structure,not linked with practice. Furthermore,the training is not linked with employment. In this essay, I'd like to focus on the idea of changing method which I personally think is the best key to these weaknesses.

Numerous lecturers nowadays complain that their students are passive during lessons. Students,most of the time, mutely sit with dull eyes and insipid faces, which makes teachers find it difficult to discover how much students have understood what they have been taught. Students don't even raise hands to express their viewpoints until teachers ask questions. They are very pleased with being followers.

The reason for this problem,first of all,comes from the attitude of most of the students to the subjects. Students are just studying to pass their exams,and they lack any real love for their subjects. Another reason is fear. Our education has for hundreds of years applied a traditional teaching method in which students passively obey what their teachers have told them. They have no courage to ask for more information even when they have not understood something. This fact shows the fear of expressing their own viewpoints. In other words, they are afraid of the teachers would judge or criticize them if they are wrong.

The questions are why? And who should be put on blame for this problem. It's teachers whose traditonal teaching method;lesson is read aloud,and students write down their text. It's traditional teaching method which requires no more than learning by heart and limits practical skills. For example, a lot of students nowadays are still afraid of speaking in front of the public due to being timid,not confident. That is because in class applying traditional teaching method, they don't have to speak in front of other studens. Instead, they are "public" and it's the teacher who answers all the questions they ask and provides lots of information they need. Students need communication skill. It's traditional teaching method which focuses so much on academic theories but ignore applying them into practice. That's why some students are good at solving mathematical problems but fail in solving social problems. It's thinking skill that need improving. As I said above, in traditional teaching method, because all necessary information are provided, students may depend on their teachers instead of thinking creatively as well as doing independently. They need thinking skill.

Also, most examinations only require students to remember what they take notes in class. This encourages learners to learn by heart like parrots not students. And then leaving rooms, these "parrots" remember nothing.

It's time this situation changes.
The solution to these problems is new teaching methods which help developing practical skills and make students more active. First of all,there should be more classes in which teachers ask questions and students are expected to answer all the questions. This will force students think for themselves, which will reveal the weaknesses in the students's way of thinking,and lead them to stronger,better ideas. These classes will improve thinking skill and may be communication skill as well.

In addition to these classes, extracirrcular activities should be encouraged to help students more being active, building some esential skills such as teamwork, the ability of management, and social communication skill,etc. they should be given chances to join hands in community activities such as Earth Hours,as well as social campaign to assist the community,give charity to the poor...

Nowadays, new teaching methods have being applied in a lot of schools. Class is divided into three or four groups which do the tasks the teacher orders. The teacher only acts as a guide, helps solve problems if necessary. Another teaching method also effective is that classes use projecters and laptops. Multi-media facilities like TV,radio,internet are also used to make subjects more interesting. They find it easier to remember lessons through stories,pictures,videos...Also,in this teaching method,they don't have to waste time taking notes. Instead,they can copy the teacher's lesson notes from her laptop to their USBs.

In conclusion,"teaching" should be correctly understood. Teaching should mean instilling in students a thirst for knowledge and the methodology for them to discover things by themselves. If teachers believe that their role is to convey knowledge to students,they should choose the best teaching method which erase the ability in creative thinking, the practical skills as well as the knowledge in theory.

Hey,
I can't question your writing paragraphs and the content, because I don't know if this is supposed to be an academic essay or a newspaper article.

Here you go what I got:

Although numerous achievements have been done

the education in our country is still weak in quality,unbalanced in structure, the education is not linked strongly with practice. Further more , the training is not linked with employment; in other words, teaching faculty is still weak.

Vietnamese educational system; Vietnam'sVietnam is not a person. I don't think you can use the possessive saxon genitive with things.

According to her
for hundreds of years our education has applied

They have no courage to ask for more information even when they they have something do not understandhaven't understood something.This fact shows the fear of expressing their own viewpoints.

That is because if their viewpoints are wrong, teachers may regard them depending on theirs.In other words, they are afraid the teachers would judge and criticize them if they are wrong.

Teachers of course should be responsible for these unless they change the traditional teaching methodThe blame of this problem should be put on the teachers and their teaching methods;lesson is read aloud , and students write down their text.

It's time this situation changes.
In order to change the attitudes of students from being passive to active, teachers will have to change teaching method.
It is better to eliminate redundancy. You don't want to be too wordy =)

new teaching methods arehave being applied in a lot of schools
Class is divided into three or four groups which do the tasks the teacher orders. The teacher..

to help students being more active, building some essential skills such as teamwork, and the ability of management, and social communication skill,etc.

forby themselves

That's all I guess...
Have a great day =)

Alice

This essay is supposed to be an academic essay.It's limit is within 500 to 1000 words. Hope you can give me your view about my writing paragraph and the content.

Thank you so much^^
Have a nice day!

I'll now copy and paste what you've written -- without adding my previous corrections, just to lay out the paragraphs.

Stepping into the 21st century, Vietnam's educational system has undergone years of renovation to help educating people better. Although numerous achievements have done, the education of our country is still weak in quality,unbalanced in structure,the education is not linked strongly with practice,the training is not linked with employment,teaching staff is still weak,etc. If I could change a factor of Vietnam's educational system,it would be teaching methods.

Great! you posted your problem, and you have your thesis. Afterwards, you have to stick to this point of view. Your thesis is: teaching methods have to change.

So, you basically have to focus on who is responsible for this situation, why it has to change and how it is possible to change it.

From what I've understood what you want to say, you would basically say:
Why? "it's impossible to go on this way, because students are passive"
Who? "the blame should be put mainly to the teachers, whose teaching method consists of
reading the lesson aloud..."
How? "new teaching methods are have being applied in a lot of schools..."
After those paragraphs, you would get to the conclusion paragraph which can contain, like you did, students review. You would emphasize on their being glad of the new teaching methods. This way you will strengthen your thesis.

To sum up,
THESIS PARAGRAPH ( yours is ok)
WHY PARAGRAPH
WHO PARAGRAPH
HOW PARAGRAPH
CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH (recollect your students' reviews)

Hope this helped.
=)

Alice

Thank you so much for your feedback. It's very helpful to me.
Have a nice day, my dear friend! ^^

Change one thing about education in ViteNam_2nd essay_

Hello everyone, here's my essay I've finished. I posted it last time, and you guys are so helpful to give your feedbacks. However, this essay is very important and I was'nt pleased with the last so, I 've rewriten it. Hope you guys give your feedbacks again. Thank you so much.

Have a nice day!

Use a comma when you write a compound sentence (2 complete sentences put together with a conjunction, like "and"):
Education is the root of development of every country all over the world, and VietNam is not an exception.


When you say you want to change the method, I think you should add one more sentence to the end of that first paragraph to introduce the reader to the kind of change you mean. Then, go on to the body paragraphs and explain.

This is brilliant. I really like your ideas. I hope you are able to revolutionize education in Vietnam and in other places, too. the inadequacy you describe is present all over the world -- inspiration is the key ingredient to improve the work of both teachers and learners.

you will do very well with this!!!!

Thank you so much for your useful feedback:)
Have a nice day!