Please read over my cause and effect essay and give me a few ideas on how I can make it better. Am I on the right track in using the cause and effect strategy in this essay? I have a rough draft due this morning. Thank you in advance.
A Family of Poverty
Why was I born into poverty? Poverty has many causes. The most logical place to begin is an examination of poverty as my family issue. I will begin by defining poverty in my family history. After having defined poverty, I will look into the different causes and effects of my families poverty and the importance and lasting effects of in my own life. Poverty in my family history is the lack of education and money. The reason of my families poverty stems from lack of education and money. My grandfather Cash was a full time farmer and a butcher in town for five days of each week. My grandmother Cash was a full time mother of six and worked for a local cotton mill for a period of twelve years. My grandfather Taylor was the only worker in my mother's family. My grandmother Taylor was a full time mother of eight. My grandparents on both sides were recipients of food stamps for many years. None of my grandparents had more than a eighth grade education. My grandfather Cash died in 1958 and my grandmother was left alone to raise my dad. My dad did not cope with losing his father and was in trouble often. Due to being in trouble so many times my dad quit school after the eighth grade and was placed in a boys home. My dad would not receive his high school diploma until 1977. Due to lack of education and low paying jobs my dad was earning between two dollar and two dollars and fifty cent an hour when I was a child. My mother quit high school in 1971 as a senior and married and never obtained her high school diploma. I was born in 1972. Due to lack of education and few jobs available, my mother worked as a convenience store clerk and a waitress. She never earned more than two dollars an hour. In the mid 1970's, my dad lost his job and my mother was unemployed too. Inflation was 11% and prices on materials and services was on the rise. The cost of a first-class stamp was $0.13, the cost of a gallon of regular gas was $0.62, the cost of a dozen eggs was $0.82, and the cost of a gallon of Milk was $1.68. The cost of goods and unemployment spelled disaster. As a result of poverty my parents divorced and my families life was fragmented.
Greetings!
I think you're on the right track! Your essay does a good job of explaining the cause and effect of poverty. I have just a few editing suggestions:
I will look into the different causes and effects of my family's poverty
Poverty in my family history is the lack of education and money. The reason of my families poverty stems from lack of education and money. - You appear to have said the same thing twice, here.
None of my grandparents had more than an eighth-grade education.
Due to being in trouble so many times, [add comma] my dad quit school after the eighth grade and was placed in a boys' home.
my dad was earning between $2 and $2.50 an hour
prices on materials and services were on the rise.
As a result of poverty, [add comma] my parents divorced and my family's life was fragmented.
Good job!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Thank you, Sarah. I have done a rethink and revision of my cause and effect essay. Please take a look when you have the time. Your suggestions are very helpful and are greatly appreciated.
A Family of Poverty
Why was I born into poverty? Poverty has many causes. The most logical place to begin is an examination of poverty as my family issue. I will begin by defining poverty in my family history. After having defined poverty, I will look into the different causes and effects of my family's poverty and the importance and lasting effects of in my own life. Poverty in my family history is the lack of education and money. My grandfather Cash was a full time farmer and a butcher in town for five days of each week. He had an eighth grade education. My grandmother Cash was a full time mother of six and worked for a local cotton mill for a period of twelve years. She had an eighth grade education. My grandfather Taylor was the only worker in my mother's family. He never made it past the sixth grade in school. My grandmother Taylor was a full time mother of eight. She had her first child at fifteen and had little to no school in her records. My grandparents on both sides were recipients of food stamps for many years. All of my grandparents suffered through the Great Depression. My grandfather Cash died in 1958 and my grandmother was left alone to raise my dad. My dad did not cope with losing his father and was in trouble often. Due to being in trouble so many times, my dad quit school after the eighth grade and was placed in a boys' home. My dad would not receive his high school diploma until 1977. Due to lack of education and low paying jobs my dad was earning between $2 and $2.50 an hour when I was a child. My mother quit high school in 1971 as a senior and married and never obtained her high school diploma. I was born in 1972. Due to lack of education and few jobs available, my mother worked as a convenience store clerk and a waitress. She never earned more than two dollars an hour. In the mid 1970's, my dad lost his job and my mother was unemployed too. Inflation was 11% and prices on materials and services were on the rise. The cost of a first-class stamp was $0.13, the cost of a gallon of regular gas was $0.62, the cost of a dozen eggs was $0.82, and the cost of a gallon of Milk was $1.68. The cost of goods and unemployment spelled disaster. As a result of poverty, my parents divorced and my family's life was fragmented forever. Due to poverty, I dropped out of school and applied for a job in a factory. Now it is almost twenty years later and I'm back in school and working due to poverty. Poverty has many causes. A family of poverty has lasting effects.
Greetings!
I'm glad you find my comments helpful! I think you've done a marvelous job of refining your essay. I have just a few more comments:
She never earned more than $2 an hour. - I must've missed this the first time; normally, one uses numerals when writing about quantities of money. An exception would be if the number is the first word in the sentence; then, it must be written out.
In the mid 1970's, my dad lost his job and my mother was unemployed, [add comma] too.
the cost of a gallon of milk [small m]
I'm back in school and working, [add comma] due to poverty. - This doesn't completely follow; perhaps you should explain the connection. You are back in school to get out of poverty? You are back in school but still having to work because you are poor? I'm not sure exactly how you meant this.
Really good work!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
Don't tell the reader, that you're going to tell him something. Like, " I will describe what my poverty is" or whatever it was. Just say it. Other than that, i guess it's all good. I ain't perfect at my essay as well, just some exchange of knowledge..
