Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


"brutal force by the army and police service" - Essay about Christmas


chrometom 1 / -  
Oct 24, 2010   #1
Christmas is a holiday that brings out the good and bad aspects of human behavior. The good aspects involve the reuniting of friends and family, the exchanging of gifts and the cleaning, and refurnishing of one's home; while the bad aspects involve reckless driving, excessive spending, and stealing.

The former makes Christmas a season to look forward too. Family and friends make it their duty to send quality time with the one's they love in a valiant effort to soothe the pangs of neglect and to catch up on events passed and those still to come. Then there is the exchanging of gifts, this shows how much you appreciate the receiver; incidentally, since the amount of thought that went into it can be "seen between the lines". And finally, the cleaning and refurnishing of one's home brings the procrastination of having it done early to an end; also, it revitalizes the neighborhood hence escalating the spirit of Christmas.

There can be no good without evil; therefore, the latter is a subject that can't be avoided. Firstly, the issue of reckless driving that results from alcohol intake; eventually leading to lost in lives. Next, the excessive spending which cause people to end up in debt by the bringing of new furniture (they don't need), purchasing many gifts (they can't afford), and food eaten by every Tom, Dick and Harry and John come lately (They don't enjoy).And finally, the stealing by criminals, who don't miss the opportunity especially at this time of year to rob passersby and burglarize another property.

To sum up, although the two aspects exist, the lather is met with brutal force by the army and police service; thus allowing the power of good to overcome evil.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 28, 2010   #2
Use a comma instead of a semi-colon:
refurnishing of one's home, while the ...

I feel like that first paragraph should have a thesis statement added to the end of it.

Let's take out the semi-colon below, too; use a semi-colon just like a period, but use it when the subsequent sentence is closely related to the sentence ending in the semi-colon:

alcohol intake, eventually leading to lost in lives.

Well, you write very well, and I think you gave great examples, but I hope you will make the intro and conclusion longer. It is a matter of self-respect. You share YOUR insights in the intro and conclusion, and they are worth writing a few sentences about. What are your insightful ideas?

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / "brutal force by the army and police service" - Essay about Christmas
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳