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WRITING IELTS TASK 2: Artists, Money and Government


Nhasir Rahmatia 6 / 9  
Apr 17, 2014   #1
some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the thing they create, while others struggle to survive. Government should take steps to resolve this unfair situation.

to what extend do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays, all people need money to survive their life. Even every body spends part of their life time for earning money as much as possible. In pact, It is disagreed that many citizens think that It is uneven situation between artists and folks commonly so they demand government to solve it. Analyzing using time and maximizing potency connecting income both of kinds of society will show this.

Firstly, artists are more able to manage and use their time as well as possible. They can range their activity by making good timetables each activity which can help them to remember the structure of their job so that their time will not be useless. In instance, some artists have a manager or assistant to prepare their necessity. Thus this makes it clear why artists can collect more money than other societies.

Secondly, artists can be more able to maximize and improve their prospects which they have. Every body has potential which has to be maximized for being better because talent is one of the important things in catching success. For example, professional painter will attend painting course to develop and improve their painting talent to get the best result of their painting and become professional or famous painter. From this, it becomes immense evident that artists are smart to heighten their self prospects and easy to merit more money.

In summary, commonly society cannot organize and boost their time and self potential. Thus this prove that they will not be professional in working and no knowing their talent. In this case, it will not be solved as long as the society cannot use their time better so if they want to change their life they have to be able to move their life way in managing time and potential.
kridUessay 2 / 15 5  
Apr 17, 2014   #2
Hello, Nhasir
Here's my suggestion.

I think your introduction can be much more concise and straight to the point.
How about this one? (I'm also not good for intro paragraph :( but this would be what I wrote. To survive and live in our modern society, individuals perceive money as an indispensable thing. Almost everybody spends his or her time looking for the job that offers the best salary/earnings. ...
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Apr 17, 2014   #3
This is the third essay for which I am providing my feedback on this same topic in a row today :D

Nowadays, all people need money to survive their life. Even every body spends part of their life time for earning money as much as possible.

Well .... these sentences are irrelevant to your topic. You need to begin your essay with a statement that has the ability to hook your reader throughout your writing. So, this hook statement should be shorter, interesting, meaningful and relevant to your topic. Do not go out of topic when you choose a hook. If you don't get a very bright idea at once, then start with the background of your issue.


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