hallo. please correct my essay. thank you
It is important for children to learn the different between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
Children as the next generation, are crucial to study how behave right and wrong exactly, demanded parents and teachers' roles to teach a well-behaved. Punishment is a way in which they could differentiate between true and false. I agree that children are punished if they do mistakes.
To begin, a father or mother, a leader who appreciate children's behavior at home all the time, gives an affectionate huge in order to possess a mutual connection, should have a rule when a child do mistake. For example, he or she was late coming home because they are not on time when completing the lessons in school. This is a mistake that had been done by children and must be given an action by parents so as to being discipline more likely a piece advice. As a result, children could understand right or wrong activities.
In addition, teachers are also educator in class where some of students have done blunder such as they perform lateness a class attending. In my opinion, a teacher should inform a student a little warning or punishment like they cannot join the class. This way would help students to be discipline. As a result, children are able on time schedule fast.
In conclusion, punishment which is given by parents and teachers to educate children has assisted well to be independent, discipline person and knowing what the true and false are.
I can help you with some of your essay.
The first sentence may need a change in word order. You could state:" It is crucial to teach the next generation of children how to behave and the difference between right and wrong."
Here is a suggestion for the next sentence: "This places a demand on teachers and parents to teach them to be well-behaved." I am going to suggest changing true and false to right or wrong." The last sentence there are only a few missing words:"... should be punished if they do make mistakes."
2nd paragraph: When you use father or mother, you should state: "...are leaders who appreciate their children's behavior all the time, gives an affectionate hug in order to display a mutual connection, and should have a rule when their child makes a mistake."
Here is another suggestion: "For example, a child is late coming home because he or she did not complete the lessons in school on time."
I'm unsure if you mean the parent should discipline or give the child advice.
3rd paragraph: The next paragraph has some errors in word choice that need to be corrected:" In addition, teachers have some students who arrive to class late." The next sentence, change inform to "give", place a comma after punishment, and change like to "such as". The following sentence the word should be "disciplined". The last sentence you could end with, "able to be on time."
4th paragraph: You could add more to your summary. Some words need to be deleted in your last sentence:"... punishment, which is given by parents and teachers, educates children and has assisted them to be independent, disciplined people knowing right from wrong."
You forgot to mention in your opening statement that aside from learning about right and wrong, the reason punishments need to be given when children violate certain rules is because the parents need to teach children from an early age that every wrong action has an appropriate reaction or result. Punishing them for mistakes made accomplishes just that.
Diqon, in the second paragraph, you give a very bad example in support of your stand about punishment. No parent will punish a child for coming home late from school because of their lessons. Coming home late from school means the child was studying in the library and lost track of time. The better example would be if a child went out with their friends and came home past curfew from the mall. Or if the child is caught lying about the reason they came home from school. Remember, school activities are approved by the parents. So they won't easily get mad if the school activity is the reason the child came home late. In order to make an argumentative essay successful, your line of reasoning must be strong and solid. In this case, your reasoning is flawed and weak.
Then, regarding your line of reasoning with teachers, while I agree that children should be punished slightly for class lateness, a more effective line of reasoning here would be to explain that if a student is caught cheating on a test, be it major or minor, the student will be punished to teach him a lesson. Again, the line of appropriate repercussions for wrong actions comes into play.
You need an extra paragraph towards the end to add your voice of reason to the essay. Explain your agreement to the statement based upon lessons you learned from your punishment from parents. Devote a few lines, not less than 3 sentences, to explain how you believe that the future generation of children will only benefit from being punished by their parents and teachers for severe violations of certain rules.
As always though, your train of thought and line of reasoning can be understood. You just really need to present stronger supporting statements to assist in your discussion. Keep on practicing :-)
hello diqon , let me give some suggestion on your passage.
if your goal , you want to finish the task 2 IELTS. This is not enough word. minimum you have to write 250 words.
I agree that children are punished if they do make mistakes.
but for overview, it is better if you use a two-sentence. that is too short.
a leader who appreciate children's behavior at ,,,
it should be
a leader who appreciates children's behaviour at ,,,
remember about singular (a leader) and using British writing (behaviour).
thanks, hope it can helps.
In addition, teachers are alsoabsolutelyas an educator in class where some of students have done blunder such as they perform lateness afor class attending. In my opinion, a teacher should informexposurea student with a little warning or punishment like they cannot join the class. This way would help students to be discipline. As a result, children are able on time schedule fast. (Therefore....)
In conclusion, (where is your restatements?) punishment which is given by parents and teachers to educate children has assisted well to be independent, discipline person and knowing what the true and false are.
Hello Diqon, let me try to give some suggestions on your passage
1. I suggest that in the beginning of the paragraph you should give some background to the topic from the questions. you can use some of the information, use some synoniyms and paraphrase that questions.
2. give us what will you describe in your essay
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
let me try to re-write your introduction.
Punishment is one of proactive method which creating children to understand about difference between goods and bad attitude. this is essential for young children to know about it start from the beginning.
