Please review and revise this essay for the TOEFl pbt Test:
In our world hundreds of thousands of people smoke or, are at least used to smoke, although it is well-known that smoking is a deadwish. Every day we hear lots of tobacco company advertisements. The number of smokers, especially among youth, is increasing. Smoking should probably be illegal, but I do not agree with that.
In some countries smoking in public places is not allowed. People can buy cigarettes only if they are over 18. Everyone knows that smoking is very harmful. So, if there are such strict restrictions, why can man not answer for himself the question concerning this habit? I think, that a general prohibiting would be breach of our human rights.
I read an article about one englishman who fell in love with smoking at a very young age. It cost him one collapsed lung, but he still smokes three packs of cigarettes daily. He started his own tobacco company, and he produces cigarettes called "Death". This man realizes that his habit is deadly and he does speak about it to everyone who buys a pack of "Death". I think that advertisements where they show us "cowboy heaven" and smiling people should be prohibited. Even little children should know that smoking is bad for their health.
I hope that in a few years people will understand that smoking has many more bad sides than good. But as I effects already, I believe that making tobacco illegal is a very radical step, and it is should not be done.
Genteel, all of the reasons that you presented are reasons as to why smoking should be illegal. There is nothing in your argument that dictates that smoking should remain legal. Your essay is very flawed in terms of presenting your reasons, supporting facts and conclusion. it would be in your best interest to reconsider your opinion and how you have presented it in the essay. Keep in mind that at the start of the discussion, you state that smoking should be legal but then, towards the end of it, you say that "I hope that in a few years people will understand that smoking has many more bad sides than good." Yet you claim in your final sentence that banning smoking or making it illegal is a very radical step.
Your sense of logic is as confused, as it is flawed. There is nothing in the discussion that will merit a passing score for this essay because you were not able to properly develop a line of reasoning and logic, which could have translated to the written word. It is imperative that you take the time to truly understand the question, outline your possible response, and then develop your response for the essay before you actually write down your opinion. I know it is hard to do because of the time limit.
The time limit is there to help you write faster, but if you cannot properly write the essay, then keeping to the time limit and word count is not helpful to you in the actual test. Make sure that you try to understand the question before you write your next essay. One small misunderstanding of the prompt will definitely result in a failed essay such as this one.
Please review and revise this essay for the TOEFl pbt Test:
In ourtheworld hundreds of thousands ofnumerous people have smoked or, are at leasthave used to smoke ....
Every day we hear and show the large number of cigarette advertisements lots of released by tobacco or cigarettes companies advertisements . Therefore , the number of smokers, especially among youth, have been is increasing increased exponentially . However, I do not agree in prohibiting smoking [/font]. should probably be illegal,but I do not agree with that.
In some countries, provision regarding to smoking have been ratified . For examples , smoking in public places area is not allowed; those who age under 18 are not permitted smoking. people can buy cigarettes only if they are over 18. Everyone knows that smoking is very extremely harmful. So, Thereby, .....
thank you for considering and revising my essay
I hope that in a few years people will understand that smoking has many more bad sides than good. But as I effects shown already, I believe that making tobacco illegal is a very radical step, and it is should can not be done easily .
