'the aging tendency and burden on the society' - my ielts essay

In many countries, the proportion of elderly people is increasing. Do you think the positive effects of this trend outweigh its negative influence on society?

Due to the enhanced living conditions among the grey population, ageing has become a commonplace in the society. Against this backdrop, some people insist on the beneficial impacts it brings to society, whereas there are other voices against it. From my perspective, the increasing proportion of the aging population is detrimental to society to a large extent.

To begin with, the climbing percentage of the ageing population poses a threat to the labor force. This would jeopardize the comprehensive economic development in the long run. Such a trend will lead to a reduction in the number of eligible workers, which impairs the productivity in the workplace and exerts an adverse impact on the overall well-being of society, since growth in GDP is highly correlated with the increase in the number of eligible young employees.

Apart from this, the aging tendency lays a heavy burden on the government and society. Specifically, superannuation and healthcare service will be chiefly needed to guarantee the demands of the grey generation. From the perspective of the authority, an adjustment to the pension system will increase the burden of financial budgets. Furthermore, this burden would be shouldered by their children and future generations, since they need to take care of their elders.

Indisputably, the benefits of an increasing percentage of the elderly could also be justified. As distinct from the younger generation, pensioners are more experienced and disciplined. They tend to be realistic and down-to-earth, therefore they could impart their knowledge to young employees, thereby facilitating their work efficiency.

In brief, despite the potential benefits of constructing a harmonious life, the downsides of the aging population outweigh its merits since it slows down the economic growth and lays a heavy burden on society.

This is topic that says a lot about the modern world.
Here are some suggestions for you.


The improved living standards of the world have increased the aging population in the society.


Some people insist that this increasing tendency of the aging population is useful to the society. Others see it as a negative impact on the world.


... This is a good point and it has impacted the world already.


... this sentence is too long. Try to break it down to 2 or 3 sentences.

You have presented good points. I hope my suggestions were helpful. :)

hai valency...

You tried to put different words in your essay :good

But you have so many run on (long) sentences.
Try to add small sentances. You need a variety of sentence with different length.

I am in hurry, i will give more coments later.

hai..

Ageing is a process and not a tendency..

1st sentance =>...poses..i did nt get the meaning if spelling mistake correct it.

Or add 'is a' in the place of poses

Well- being of society => progress of society.

Furthermore....this finacial burden : as per the meaning of the sentence it the fincial burden od pension. But in the last part of that sentance you

wrote it is the budern ofcaring these people.

Furthermore...their childern and next generation as they are the tax payers. They should meet money for taking care of senior citizens.

:i liked ur conclu...: