The Navy has a saying: "if it's not issued in your sea bag, then it is not part of the Navy." Well, I was not issued to my family via sea bag, nor by stork... I do not think a stork for that matter could come within flying range of a military base since the the government set up modern terror safeguards . I digress; I was born to a career Navy man, my father. I grew up a Navy brat...
Living in a military family , there is a solid foundation of duty , tenacity , and sense of belonging . That is why I am fond of my military background. From this, I have left with life long skills: determination, time management, loyalty, and adaptability .
As I was growing up through the years, our family moved constantly. I attended nine schools while most or my peers followed a traditional path of one elementary, one middle, and one high school. I learned to make friends quickly, because a good friend base most certainly helps one get through choppy seas . I picked up skills to adapt in my changing environment, from inner city schools in a bustling city to clannish Appalachian hollers down a rutted country road, deep in the mountains. Looking back, I can say although I adapted to fit in, I did not lose my sense of self and what was important to me as far as my values. I like to think I left a town leaving my mark as much as I took away with me to the next duty station.
Responsibility has been a vanguard of our home as we are in this together as a family as well as citizens of our nation.
I was a visitor to many states, realizing it offered a clean slate at a chance to hone in attributes I wanted to set into my personality. My background and new environment not often meshed, which at the time led me to believe I was the proverbial square peg , however, looking back, I see it was during the most trying of circumstances was where I left with a inner aura of self determination and tenacity.
I digress; I was born to a career Navy man, my father.
Normally, I advise against such tropes as "I digress," but in this case it works, giving us a glimpse of your personality. Unfortunately the rest of your essay departs little from the standard army/navy/etc child essay -- multiple schools, dedication to discipline, etc. -- and we see very little of your own unique personality. Don't omit anything you have now, but do add some more flavor.
thanks so much and I agree with your comments :D
As I was growing up through the years, our family moved constantly. I attended nine schools while most or my peers followed a traditional path of one elementary, one middle, and one high school. I learned to make friends quickly, because a good friend base most certainly helps one get through choppy seas . I picked up skills to adapt in my changing environment, from inner city schools in a bustling city to clannish Appalachian hollers down a rutted country road, deep in the mountains. Looking back, I can say although I adapted to fit in, I did not lose my sense of self and what was important to me as far as my values. I like to think I left a town leaving my mark as much as I took away with me to the next duty station. This leaves me qualified to bring a sort of fellowship to my fellow freshman candidates. I have learned to bring a little bit of home to your new "little bit of home ".
Responsibility has been a vanguard of our home as we are in this together as a family as well as citizens of our nation.
I was a visitor to many states, realizing it offered a clean slate at a chance to hone in attributes I wanted to set into my personality. My background and new environment not often meshed, which at the time led me to believe I was the proverbial square peg , however, looking back, I see it was during the most trying of circumstances was where I left with a inner aura of self determination and tenacity.
The Navy has a saying: if its not issued in your sea bag, then it is not part of the Navy. Well, I was not issued to my family via sea bag, nor by stork... I do not think a stork for that matter could come within flying range of a military base since the the government set up modern terror safeguards . I digress; I was born to a career Navy man, my father. I grew up a Navy brat...
Living in a military family , there is a solid foundation of duty , tenacity , and sense of belonging . That is why I am fond of my military background. I feel I will be the glue in my freshman community on campus by bonding new students with old hats. Adaptivity is my specialty , since I have lived a nomad lifestyle .
helps one get through choppy seas
I'd like to see you spice up your language just a little bit. Why not
navigate choppy seas?
I'd also like to see a little bit more sentence variety. As I was reading your essay, I felt a bit of a cadence to the piece ... the sentences seemed to be of about the same length with a bit of a sing song feel. Use a few short, punchy sentences. A few that are longer and more complex. Use an apositive. Now that I take a second look, you do have a lot of variety and complex structures, but I still see the cadence. I don't know if I can explain what I mean.
Wishing you the best!
thanks so much for the feed back Eric..I will try again.
I really enjoyed your style of writing. It was slightly informal but made me believe you were a wholesome and well rounded person.
Thank you Ashleyhenn :D
i really like how you worded your essay it flows and it also describes your personaly like when i was reading the first paragraph i knew by your style that you were like what you described yourself to be
