Hi, I am studying to be an engineer in Australia. This is the first time to edit someones' essay.
I hope this will be useful for you .
First of all, there
are many alternatives for is an alternative to watch television, such as internet surfing the Internet. With the latest technology, we people can easily find the informations orand entertainments which we need from interest arouse people's interest . For example, if you someone would like to know find more informations about an extinct animal, You they may have to watch the discovery channel on the television ,. But the Internet can easily help people will interest you can ask any question you wantwith thier problems. With the an enormous database onlineonline database, youpeople can probably find almost all kind of answers for any question . N, not to mention , you can access with IPhone, IPad anywhere anytime.
I don't think using words, such as "I, you, we", is good idea in academical essay, so I changed that.
"internet" -> always use "the Internet" capital 'I'.
Sorry,I could not edit blue coloured part.